All bow before the glory of Emperor Ngiam

Whimsical thoughts

2009-09-10T14:43:00.003+08:00

i've always wondered how those young teens mat rempits that i see hanging out the roadside will look like when they grow up into their 30s.

What replaces their herd mentality? or their propensity for hyena-like laugh? Where do they channel their overflowing energy for (self)-destruction to?

Surely, they would have assimilate into the general population by now, their past invisible to all others by now bar the odd scar on their body (perhaps obtained from a stunt go wrong along Federal Highway)

Then this happened and i realized, they are still around after all, the only differences is... they are dressed nicer.

Ngiam's Theory (to be eventually confirmed as the truth)

2009-01-24T20:34:00.001+08:00

Delegation. Always a different perspective.

2009-01-18T23:45:00.003+08:00

When's it's our turn to delegate task to others, we believe in others' infinate talent to complete the task.

When we are being delegated work, we rebuke with our very limited talent which we say is not even enough to complete a simple task.

Therefore, by believing in everyone's infinate talent and realizing our limited talent, we delegate work to others so that it can be perfectly completed for us.

Even when the pieces are in place....

2008-07-08T20:02:00.002+08:00

Restless.

Again.

Pinch Ya!

2008-06-07T00:13:00.003+08:00

For those who are already "living above "living above their means"". Feeling the pinch now?

If you're driving a Honda Civic, the increase should be a matter of peanuts to you. But if you're still complaining about the recent fuel increase, this serve as an indication that you ACTUALLY should be driving a less fuel guzzling cheaponomy vehicle.

Ngiam's Theory

2008-04-08T19:07:00.000+08:00

2007-10-19T14:07:00.000+08:00

“This is the place where that woman was kidnapped… kesian her husband”
“Yeah, where to find another hot woman.”

(quote not accurate but the context is the same)

This is the very reason why I’m glad I left that previous company.

The callousness that some people are able to place onto an issue, where more important things (such as human life lost and the grief of their family) overshadow the much more less important bits of it (such as the hot wife)

Or even if the person did say this just to be in the “in” crowd and in fact meant just otherwise, it still doesn’t hide that fact that there exist a superficial environment where everyone tries their best to say “the sentence” to impress and play their role to be part of a clique in spite of what they believe in.

The camel's back finally broke...

2007-10-12T17:47:00.000+08:00

Enough of all these senseless over sloggings.

That's it then. Time to actively seek a new change.

Conversation with Megat Azzad again

2007-09-19T21:35:00.000+08:00

Conversation with some self censorship as attach below :

Ngiam			tau key memonopoli semnua dagangan seluruh dunia
Ngiam			hati hati engkau
Ngiam			jangan membuat taukay kita murka
a z z a d			betul tu
a z z a d			aku kena puasa dengan lebih lama lagi
a z z a d			untuk suci diri
a z z a d			supaya tau key tidak berjaya men detect ku
Ngiam			sucikanlah diri anda
Ngiam			belilah air suci berjenama NGiam
Ngiam			dengan harga RM5.00 sahaja
Ngiam			anda akan serta merta dapat mensucikan diri anda
a z z a d			engkau ni
Ngiam			dan tak payah lagi berpuasa
a z z a d			bola mu sangat bulat
Ngiam			ku memang mulia
a z z a d			di sana
a z z a d			adakah ini secara psychology kerana kau tidak di anugerahkan alat kelamin yang indah seperti kami?
a z z a d			sebab itu kau suka letak gambar bola
a z z a d			adakah engkau pergi kenduri wedding siew fong?
Ngiam			kenduri wedding siew fong?
Ngiam			ku tidak dijemput kerana ku tidak menerima kad jemputan
Ngiam			alat kelamin engkau tu tumbuh penyakit kah?
Ngiam			special ape?
a z z a d			mereka berfikiran tepat kerana memilih untuk tidak punyai engkau di sana
a z z a d			tapi engkau mistilah bersorak gembira juga
a z z a d			kerana tidak perlu sedia angpau
a z z a d			hanya e-card percuma sudah memadai
Ngiam			yah
Ngiam			memang
Ngiam			ini boleh dikira ku jimat RM50
a z z a d			rm50 saja?
a z z a d			walaupun ajak engkau tidak berbaloi
a z z a d			engkau ikan kecik
a z z a d			tak apa. aku me
Ngiam			abis? engkau ape?
Ngiam			kura dalam air?
a z z a d			aku melayu yang tak tahu adat cina
a z z a d			lebih2 lagi adat2 duit
Ngiam			bodoh
Ngiam			aku baru beritahu engkau
Ngiam			maknanya
Ngiam			takde excuse lagi
Ngiam			bermula dari sekarang
a z z a d			tapi engkau tidak dijemput langsung
Ngiam			kalau engkau pergi cina kahwin tak bawak duit
Ngiam			maknanya
a z z a d			adakah engkau lupa point aku?
a z z a d			engkau tidak diingati
Ngiam			engkau menggunakan stereotype melayu yang tak tau adat cina untuk berpura-pura untuk tidak bayar duit
Ngiam			memang
a z z a d			malah di planning supaya engkau ada kerja overtime lagi
Ngiam			engkau ni
Ngiam			mengecewakan ku
a z z a d			supaya engkau tidak perlu ada
a z z a d			wah engkau ini ada ciri taukey
a z z a d			yang mengalih pandangan
Ngiam			aku pandai
a z z a d			supaya ku kelihatan bersalah
Ngiam			aku boleh tengok isi hati engkau
Ngiam			yang cuba engkau sembuyikan
a z z a d			walaupun engkau gembira berjimat
Ngiam			aku akan post dalam blog ku
Ngiam			biar engkau terjerat
a z z a d			wah
a z z a d			bersungguh2
a z z a d			setelah mendapat jalan
a z z a d			untuk kena kan aku membayar angpau yang adat nya aku tak kena mengena
a z z a d			adat duit harus di hapuskan
a z z a d			itulah pesan tok gandhi
Ngiam			engkau belilah satu angpau
Ngiam			lepas tu tulislah pepatah gandhi engkau tu dalam satu kertas dan kasi selit masuk
Ngiam			lepas tu bila masuk kenduri tu.... pastikan ada satu bintik putih ala gandhi kat kepala engkau
a z z a d			idea aku yang di manipulasi
a z z a d			engkau mahu merebut credit idea ini
Ngiam			demi memajukan stereotype bangsa engkau
a z z a d			dengan memberi pandangan elaboration
a z z a d			tanpa ada idea original
Ngiam			ku berpandangan seikhlas hati
a z z a d			engkau ini tiba2 berjepun
a z z a d			bersikap copy cat
Ngiam			ku memberi mu jalan bagaimana mengaplikasikan idea buruk mu
a z z a d			engkau adakah ngiam cina panjang?
Ngiam			aku anak malaysia
Ngiam			negara yang berjaya mengopi pelbagai DVD/VCD
a z z a d			cina panjang tak boleh mengalah
Ngiam			aku memang anak malaysia yang tulen
a z z a d			jepun ialah musuh kerana merogol nenek moyang kita
a z z a d			zaman perang dunia
Ngiam			ape ni?
a z z a d			engkau misti bersatu dengan kami
a z z a d			melayu
Ngiam			sekejap cerita kucing kopi
a z z a d			marilah join kami
Ngiam			lepas tu bersatu menentang anasir jepun yang dah lama kalah
a z z a d			kita hancurkan komik2 jepun tanda protes
a z z a d			lalu kedai tidak jual komik jepun lagi
Ngiam			engkau bodoh
Ngiam			aku boleh jual komik jepun harga mahal kat ebay
Ngiam			biarlah kita ikut adat lain
a z z a d			wah ini kali kedua ku kena bodoh dari engkau
Ngiam			asalkan ade duit
Ngiam			dusta
a z z a d			wah adat duit menebal dalam diri
Ngiam			inilah kali ketiga
Ngiam			baik aku cari perkataan yang baru lagi sama erti
a z z a d			baiklah ini memang tulen cina
a z z a d			adat duit tak kan luput
a z z a d			aku tak perlu risau
Ngiam			aku cuma ikut teladan taukey
a z z a d			bangsa cina akan menjadi superior
a z z a d			oleh itu aku boleh mati dengan aman
a z z a d			bila ku mati
a z z a d			engkau bakarlah kereta mewah
Ngiam			jangan risau
Ngiam			ku taburkan basikal engkau dekat kuburmu
a z z a d			juga bakarlah perempuan wanita cantik
Ngiam			biar engkau pergi neraka dengan hati yang tenang
a z z a d			supaya ku di syurga boleh climax dengan gembira
a z z a d			oh lupa
a z z a d			aku ke neraka kerana ter babi di siam
a z z a d			malah bersamam yahudi lagi
a z z a d			bersama
Ngiam			betul
a z z a d			aku telah berdarjat neraka angkara cina adat duit
Ngiam			memang dah dapat tiket satu haluan
Ngiam			takpe aku akan pastikan engkau mewah kat neraka
Ngiam			aku bakar duit banyak untuk engkau
a z z a d			aku rasa percutian siam itu memang satu perangkap
Ngiam			dan nasi babi satu pinggang
a z z a d			untuk jatuhkan darjat mulia ku ke neraka
Ngiam			supaya engkau boleh hidup mewah... itu memang niat mulia kami
a z z a d			aku rasa engkau memang plan supaya ku tak perasan
Ngiam			tidak
a z z a d			engkau bermula dengan aimin
a z z a d			di JB
Ngiam			kita cina tulus ikhlas
a z z a d			tapi dia tak jadi
Ngiam			tiada main belakang punya
a z z a d			lalu engkau menebus kekalahan dengan melayu kacak
a z z a d			kerana orang kacak berhati senang di beli
a z z a d			puji saja kacak
a z z a d			kerana itulah kebenaran
a z z a d			lalu engkau planning supaya ku muntah2
Ngiam			sebenarnya, kita memang mencari orang kacak
Ngiam			tapi tak kejumpaan
a z z a d			lalu engkau semua boleh berbincang
Ngiam			secara kemalangannya
Ngiam			berjumpa dengan kerbau hodoh macam engkau
a z z a d			macam mana mahu exploit ku
a z z a d			wah aku sudah paham sekarang
Ngiam			mana tau engkau ikut kita basikal
Ngiam			lagi bermuntah muntahan
Ngiam			dan menjerit terpekik semasa tidur
a z z a d			oi mana ada
a z z a d			semasa tidur taukey saja yang memainkan peranan
Ngiam			sama tau kay jerit dalam tidur
Ngiam			cuma satu jerit cina
a z z a d			aku tak berani ambil slot beliau
Ngiam			satu jerit melayu
a z z a d			engkau handal
a z z a d			mahu burukkan kami
Ngiam			tak... kita cina... tidak handal
Ngiam			cuma ramai
a z z a d			hantar seorang demi seorang ke neraka
Ngiam			untuk dijadikan mewah
Ngiam			dengan duit bakaran kami
Ngiam			kami berhajat baik lagi mulia
a z z a d			terlalu mulia objective memewahkan kami saja
a z z a d			itu budak adat duit
Ngiam			bercita cita membantu bangsa lain
a z z a d			*bukan adat duit
Ngiam			kita tahu kerana dalam dunia yang nyata ini
a z z a d			wah itu betul juga
Ngiam			anda yang tinggal dekat pantai
Ngiam			serba kekurangan
Ngiam			oleh itu
a z z a d			bantu bangsa lain kerana pegangan ekuiti yang rendah bangsa melayu
a z z a d			makan quota saja
Ngiam			kami menghantar engkau ke tempat di mana kita boleh membuat suatu perbezaan
a z z a d			cis aku salah sangka
a z z a d			aku tabik hormat kini
Ngiam			di mana duit boleh dibagi pada mu banyak banyak
a z z a d			kerana menolong kami
Ngiam			memang
Ngiam			dah kata
a z z a d			aku sayanggggg cina
Ngiam			baik
Ngiam			kamu dah sedar
a z z a d			hidup CINA!
a z z a d			hidup tau key!
Ngiam			aku akan undi engkau jadi perdana mentari
Ngiam			joinlah Parti Rakyat Malaysia
a z z a d			hidup wanita memarah kalau di potong kehadapan berbasikal. dia saja boleh depan
Ngiam			untuk memenuhi aspirasi anda
a z z a d			hidup cina panjang ber selipar sepanjang zaman
Ngiam			hidup semua!!!!
a z z a d			hidup orang kampung siam pinjam toilet pun berucap dengan nasik di bibir
Ngiam			jangan lupa bagi taukay kita
a z z a d			hidup pakcik siam yang tak paham cakap di bus stop
a z z a d			hidup red light district pelacur mahu kita ke neraka
Ngiam			hidup penghendapm siam yang ikut kita balik hostel
a z z a d			mahu tunjuk pussy supaya kami muslim mewah di neraka
a z z a d			:( aku sayu
Ngiam			memang
a z z a d			kerana banyak kebaikan cina
Ngiam			semua berhajat mulia
Ngiam			tidak boleh dipertikaikan lagi!!
a z z a d			hidup penghendap siam yg ikut ke hostel takmau balik langsung sehingga taukey menuduh mau curi
Ngiam			hidup pemandu teksi yang ikut kita kat kedai basikal yang tau key tuduh mau duit lebih daripada kita
Ngiam			hidup tau kay yang tidak habis habis tuduh semua orang
a z z a d			hidup burung kerana menuduh kita tidak mahu spend duit utk tengok ruins, walaupun kita takde mood dengan ruins
a z z a d			hidup cina panjang yang konon meng cover diri cakap "oh saya akan datang balik ke ruins ini"
a z z a d			hidup tut tut driver bangkok yang mau duit kita kaw kaw
Ngiam			hidup burung yang membuat duit pusingan kat ruin padahal dah nampak dan kemudiannya cuba cover dengan mengambil gambar lotus
a z z a d			LOL
a z z a d			hidup card mainan cho tai tee
a z z a d			hidup ku sendiri kerana berjaya menjadi wassi
a z z a d			ku bangga jadi wassi kerana itu permainan adat cina tapi melayu jadi wassi
a z z a d			wahhhh banggaaaaaa
Ngiam			hidup pendekar melayu yang basar macam kerbau tapi bermuntah bertalu talu
a z z a d			macam menebus maruah rakyat singapura
Ngiam			hahahahhahaha
a z z a d			sejak kuan yew jadi presiden
a z z a d			ini menunjukkan melayu juga bijak menakluk cina tanpa cina sedari
a z z a d			wah hidup singapura!
a z z a d			maju lagiiii
a z z a d			ayohhh
a z z a d			kita boleh!!
Ngiam			MAJU
Ngiam			kita kerana negara
Ngiam			maju kawan kerana duit!!!!
Ngiam			hidup semua
a z z a d			muntah bertalu talu itu hanya lakonan
a z z a d			sebab mau hancurkan cycling trip
Ngiam			marilah kita sama-sama memajukan bisnes air suci!!!!
a z z a d			sabotage secara halus
Ngiam			yang menghalalkan semua pemakan babi!!!
Ngiam			patutlah taukay dah syak awal awal
a z z a d			hahahaha
Ngiam			tuduh muntah engkau ku tak berwarna
a z z a d			HAHAHAH
a z z a d			cilaka taukey
Ngiam			hidup tau kay
Ngiam			semua pun syak
a z z a d			menuduh aku seperti menuduh siam yang takmau balik2 mau mencuri
Ngiam			semua pun tuduh
a z z a d			HAHAHAHAHA
a z z a d			ketawa golek2
a z z a d			taukey jahanam
a z z a d			sebenarnya dia curi satay lidi engkau
Ngiam			tau kay memang berperangai naive
Ngiam			janganlah kita mensyaitankan dia
a z z a d			lalu buat spekulasi supaya kita semua tak nampak
Ngiam			bila ku ade sate pulak?
a z z a d			ahh tidak sanggup aku mendajalkan engkau
a z z a d			sebenarnya itu hanya percubaan
a z z a d			tapi tak menjadi
a z z a d			kerana engkau takde satay
a z z a d			wah aku belum sampai tahap spekulasi major
a z z a d			aku masih novice
Ngiam			engkau perlu belajar lagi dari taukay
a z z a d			hidup burung kerana suka tukar mood sekejap riang sekejap masam
a z z a d			hidup taukey kerana beri pinjaman tanpa interest
Ngiam			hidup pendekar yang sekejap basikal cepat, sekejap basikal lagi lambat
a z z a d			hidup aku kerana aku sesat di pasar malam sampai kaki letih macam nak mati cari cina2 yang sengaja larikan diri mau berbincang mau nerakakan melayu2 seluruh dunia
Ngiam			hidup pendekar melayu konon yang mencari orang tapi sendiri yang sesat
a z z a d			hidup pui kerana ada kacang wasabi yang kita curi makan
a z z a d			hidup makanan siam yang asyik2 ada babi asyik2 ada sup
a z z a d			asyik2 mee
a z z a d			sampai bosan ban mee dari hidup selama di malaysia
a z z a d			hidup tom yam sebesar mangkuk untuk keluarga 20 orang punya makan
Ngiam			hidup semua siam
a z z a d			hidup!
Ngiam			hidup!!!
Ngiam			YARGH!!!
a z z a d			hidup siam yang pandai jadi tourist guide
a z z a d			lagi cakap "are you ready?"
a z z a d			lalu kita terkejut bertepuk tangan
a z z a d			hidup budget hotel
a z z a d			hidup tukang massage
a z z a d			hidup TV cerita king kong
a z z a d			org puteh cakap siam
a z z a d			hidup
Ngiam			hidup kita orang bodoh yang berbasikal hari hari panas gila
Ngiam			hidup pemandu yang suka berhenti untuk bantu kita
a z z a d			wahh itu idea engkau
a z z a d			mahu sampai jugak
a z z a d			walaupun bukit setengah mati
Ngiam			oh ku terlupa
Ngiam			hidupKU!!!!
a z z a d			engkau tidak puas hati
a z z a d			lalu menyumpah dalam hati
a z z a d			walaupun engkau tumpang seronok sebab engkau juga letih
a z z a d			engkau konon saja cool
a z z a d			tapi kami tahu
a z z a d			engkau mau berak pun taik tak keluar
a z z a d			pura2
Ngiam			memang ku letih
Ngiam			memang ku mau berhenti
Ngiam			HIDUP KU jugak!!
Ngiam			kerana membawak 3 budak bodoh ikut ku dalam expedisi yang tidak masuk akal
a z z a d			yay engkau mengaku akhirnya
Ngiam			memang ku kena toe the party line
a z z a d			engkau sejati
a z z a d			baguslah engkau teladani ku
a z z a d			macho tetapi muntah bertalu
a z z a d			tanpa segan
a z z a d			seperti lelaki sejati tanpa batasan
a z z a d			hidup ku kerana memberi peluang anak2 cina belajar menjadi lelaki sejati!
Ngiam			hidup melayu yang bertegas bahawa muntah adalah tanda ke-macho-an
Ngiam			!!!!
a z z a d			engkau tak kerja ka esok?
Ngiam			kena
a z z a d			riang seperti tidak akan diperah chinaman saja
Ngiam			tapi sebab asyik berhidupan dengan engkau ni
Ngiam			aku dah terlambat tidurku
a z z a d			alah engkau memang enjoy ku
Ngiam			aduhai
a z z a d			akui saja
Ngiam			melayu mengambil kredit sendiri lagi
a z z a d			engkau masih sejati
Ngiam			memang berjiwa melayu
Ngiam			sub-con dekat cina buat gembira
Ngiam			lepas tu angkat kredit
a z z a d			hahahahaha
a z z a d			tak pe kita jangan curi sejati diri
a z z a d			engkau pertahankan lah adat duit
a z z a d			aku pertahan adat mengangkat kredit
a z z a d			kerana kita bangsa malaysia
a z z a d			aku akan menolong engkau pertahan adat engkau
Ngiam			baiklah
Ngiam			kita bersehajat
Ngiam			sehati mulia
Ngiam			janji HIDUP SEMUA!!!
a z z a d			yay
a z z a d			kita anak malaysia
a z z a d			yay
Ngiam			(disklaimer : *walaupun konversasi ini tidak mempunyai intonasi india, namun ia juga melibatkan kaum india sebenarnya dalam hati kita)
a z z a d			kita cheesy kan diri berganding bahu melayu cina india
a z z a d			HAHAHAHHAA
a z z a d			engkau membaca minda ku
a z z a d			baru ku tulis ayat ada india
a z z a d			tapi engkau juga
a z z a d			oh
a z z a d			engkau memang sejati
Ngiam			memang
a z z a d			pandai matematik tapi konek kecik
Ngiam			sebab kita sama malaysia
a z z a d			kesian pula bangsa engkau
Ngiam			bila dapat kredit semua pun mau masuk
Ngiam			bila dapat busuk semua sama lari
a z z a d			wah engkau ber intonasi serious
a z z a d			lalu engkau masih mau follow law
a z z a d			objective kita berbalik kepada perbincangan awal
Ngiam			apa tu?
a z z a d			iaitu engkau mau follow law
a z z a d			sekian saja malam ini
a z z a d			diskusi kita
Ngiam			sama sama
a z z a d			antara melayu dan cina panjang
Ngiam			ikutilah perbincangan kita di hari lain
a z z a d			semestinya lah melayu yang menang
Ngiam			di blog yang sama
Ngiam			(ini adalah promosi untuk blog ku)
a z z a d			(dalam masa sama ada india di hati kecil ku & mu)
Ngiam			(kalau - kalau ku masukkan dalam blog)
a z z a d			melayu itu macam white di US sana
Ngiam			(ye jangan kita terlupa india jugak)
a z z a d			cina itu macam black di US sana juga
a z z a d			walaupun bewarna kuning
a z z a d			dalam filem mistilah white menang
a z z a d			begitu juga diskusi hari ini
a z z a d			kelihatan aku saja menonjol
Ngiam			engkau bermain stereotype lagi
Ngiam			memang pandai menggunakan kad bangsa
a z z a d			hahahaha
a z z a d			bangsa pahlawan
a z z a d			dengan bangsa pedagang
a z z a d			memang dl
a z z a d			dalam DNA kita
a z z a d			kita tak boleh lari lagi
Ngiam			hidup semua stereotype!!!
Ngiam			baiklah
Ngiam			kita berjumpa dalam 5 bulan
Ngiam			engkau bawaklah keris engkau
a z z a d			tak boleh
Ngiam			dan ku bawak duit plastic monopoly ku
a z z a d			aku cepat merindui mu
a z z a d			kembali lagi bila ada masa ye
a z z a d			bye bye
a z z a d			kita sembunyikan scandal cinta kita dari semua
Ngiam			baiklah
Ngiam			aku mau tidur
Ngiam			kita berhentilah disini
a z z a d			boleh la kita ada intercourse begini lagi
Ngiam			dan menyambung di hari yang lain lagi!!
Ngiam			hidup semua!!!!
a z z a d			wah gugup lalu tidak respond terhadap ayat cinta ku
a z z a d			terus mau lari tidur
Ngiam			kerana ku dah mau tidur
Ngiam			engkau melayu, bertalu-talu cakap tak henti
Ngiam			seakan-akan sammy vellu
a z z a d			hahahahaha
a z z a d			hati ku terdapat india
Ngiam			(inilah save dalam konversasi ini untuk melibatkan kaum india)
a z z a d			jadi harap maklum
a z z a d			hahaha
a z z a d			wah cina tulen
a z z a d			buat sekadar cukup makan
a z z a d			pentingkan markah
Ngiam			betul
Ngiam			secara officalnya
Ngiam			kita adalah negara yang berbagai bangsa
Ngiam			dan sama bertoleransi
Ngiam			dan timbang rasa
a z z a d			baiklah!
a z z a d			hidup malaysia!
a z z a d			kalau2 kita dipantau ISA
a z z a d			selamat tidur

Explaination to certain facial feature within Ngiam

2007-08-25T00:46:00.000+08:00

It's not that I don't want to be impressed or that I put up an unimpressed facade to put people off their blabbering excitement...

It's just that I can't see what's so bedazzling about having a cousin who's friend is the nephew of the great-granddaughter of this famous artist/blogger/singer/(oh i give up... insert anything famous in here)

It's not like you're the famous one.

It's not like you really know this person personally.

And it's not your glory anyway.

So why waste everyone's time then?

Me too!

2007-07-31T01:03:00.000+08:00

I've developed this great hatred for the "Me too! Me too!"'s that appears whenever something stylish/incredible/morally-valuely-right/etc. is mentioned in the course of a conversation but somehow today, I caught myself ashamedly doing it too.

In the event of....

2007-07-02T20:37:00.000+08:00

When I was sitting down on my hospital bed looking at this old man, who:

1. Has a fully functional mind
2. Knows what he wants
3. But is unable to talk due to some previously botched brain operation.
4. Thus only able to make grunt like sound.

It occurs to me that I'll have to write this down somewhere, sort of like a will kind of thing. I MUST! or else I'll stand to live my life regretting not fully typing out the instructions and can only grunt non-understandable words to people all around me.

So here goes:

In the event that my speech is to be impaired and I'm only left with winking my eyes as a mode of communication with my beloved friends on my bed.

You may visit me with the following items:

1. KFC snack plate no. 3 (the one with 2 piece of chicken, 1 coleslaw, 1 mash potato and a bread)

You must do the following:
1. Don't need to ask or prod me. First cut the bread into half, put in the mash potato. Feed me.
2. Finish feeding me the mash potato.
3. Now start on the chicken with the Thai chili sauce. Remember only chicken from now on. (And none of the bullshit about the skin being unhealthy. That is the best part. Feed it to me)
4. Once chicken is done, feed me coleslaw.
5. Let me have a slight sip of the Pepsi then.
6. Ta-da. All done. I'm a simple man to please after all.

So now remember. In the event of above.... the only thing that I'll ever ask for.

If I were to let other people,

2007-05-20T15:06:00.000+08:00

put words into my mouth, they will be about....

Reality (the very last paragraph)

Idiots (specifically Para 7 & 8 only)

Pushovers (whole thing)

Reminder to all the daily big mouths out there

2007-04-02T09:59:00.000+08:00

For all those supposedly moral highflyers who felt that the ground that they are standing on is much higher than the rest of the world, and feel compel to let everyone knows that their knowledge on the various issue that is happening in the country today is top of the class and who always feels obliged to run their mouth about(or go around forwarding links in various degree of truth around) talking about how these issues, it’s time to put your words(either being propagated through verbal or written form) into actions.

It is time to register yourself as a voter and really really for once, stand up for your own words and REALLY MAKE A DIFFERENCE!

(Really... your contribution will be counted and used as a measurement, numerically, to determine who will be running your area for the next few years.... I know you guys believe that I don't know much about how the things are being run here but I'm 100% sure that I'm not lying when I tell you that it will be counted... REALLY)

Why the sudden outburst?

I remember how certain people were passionately quick to talk about how the country is being badly run.

I remember how a few would chastise the others for being naïve in the plays of the country.

I remember how a number will tell some people off for not supporting their supposedly "right" cause.

I remember of a group who will beat their heart and blow their trumpet telling everyone that it is time to really change things and there is no other way to go about it.

I remember how several will tell everyone how their rights were being violated and they must strive to defend and protect their rights.

And finally, I remember the sheepish look of these people mentioned above, post-election-2004, when they quietly conceded that they didn’t get to vote and I won't be giving you any free Myvi's for guessing why.

Ironically, these people are just keeping true to the very way of how the country is being run(and the very same one that they consistently criticized for).

Talk only.

Yeah it’s true. It's a shame that most people are more eager to exercise their right to their freedom of speech rather than their right to vote.

The multiple faces that the Flood revealed...

2007-01-20T00:46:00.000+08:00

If you are one of these persons who, after an important event on the 24^th December 2004(supposedly along the way telling everybody in your life how big the impact of this event have on your life), have:

Organized a charity sing-a-long with such enthusiasm that anyone not attending it, you labeled them a leper.
Spoke passionately(with side tears to boot) about the need to help the thousands of people who now need to rebuild their lives.
Inspiringly lead countless number of volunteers to supposedly bring relief to the disaster zone.

And till today, you haven't lift a finger at all till today for some event of a similar(if not greater) magnitude down south,

It's time for you to move your ass and start contributing, even a tiny miniscule amount of RM10 will help, or a can of sardine, anything will do and oh, along the way, pose this question to yourself…

So why were you galvanized? Was it due to the reason that it is a huge hoo-haa hmm-hmm global event?

So now, why the inattentiveness? Was it because it was just merely a local event?

What I really miss (Part 2)

2006-11-29T21:05:00.000+08:00

On the back of the previous cycling post, I totally forgot one of the most important element that I really do miss; the people

(I don't know why, but I had vivid memories of the people that I met as I was cycling alone, maybe because the interaction with em involves a great deal of emotions and hardship)

The kindness of the Majlis Daerah Jeli(?) facility keeper(At the moment when he opened the gate to let me in, I really wanted to give him this big hug there and there, but me conscious of my precarious situation, decided not to get myself thrown off the compound by him for giving him an unforgettable cultural shock) with the heart of a gold who let me stay at the abandon swimming/chalet/vacation facility he was guarding before his by-the-book superior reprimanded him and thus, my eviction from the compound and resumption of my search for accommodation for the night in Jeli.

The mindless long wait at the police pondok waiting for the night and the next day with the curious police kids asking weird and unanswerable questions.

The kind enough policemen who came by during nighttime(with machine gun) to check on me while I was in the mode where I was swatting the endless mosquitoes till I'm tired and fall asleep, wake up again, swatted again, ... u know the drill...

The thumbs up given by a passing mini-lorry passenger as I was on the way to Gerik from Jeli.

The little girl who was cycling along me, laughing and calling me crazy as she found out my plan.

The gardener at a nursery in the middle of the Jeli-Gerik route who with good intentions in mind, let me know that my suffering is over and it's gonna be a downhill route for me all the way form then on. (he was wrong, btw... there was another steep hill after the down-hill)

Drop dead and die

2006-11-23T23:30:00.000+08:00

If it was ever meant to be a joke, it is totally so fucking tasteless.

What I really miss

2006-11-22T19:47:00.000+08:00

Know what I really miss at this very moment?

Cycling.

Yeps.

Miss the simple lifestyle of living a day at a time. Of not needing to care about tomorrow, the next week or the year after simply because there isn't really anything to care about. Just you yourself, the cheapo hut that you're going to stay in and the equally clown-like cheapo friends.

The endless new things to see everyday. The road that stretches through the horizons. The new scenery every time you round a bend. The hot 5-minutes pit stop at anywhere, smelling the asap coming out of the lorry passing you.

The hardship. The physically exhausted body mix with the near euphoric feeling upon arrival at end point. The sweat. The suicidal feeling I have before REALLY embarking on my suicidal trip. The huge beg that leans heavily on my back.

The conversation with friendly strangers(notable interesting ones will be an advice on how by just riding your bicycle parasiting on the slipstream of some super fast car travelling at over 110km/h, you'll be able to reach KL from Ipoh in a zip)

The wolf whistles aimed at the rhino.

The Sometimes Questions

2006-11-14T00:27:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, I do wonder, whether I'm that good person that I thought I was before this or all along, I'm just pretending to be good...

Was that smile, the smile of understanding or really, just resigned acceptance?

Ahhh... the dramas.

2006-11-04T21:36:00.000+08:00

In fear of offending the "Oh-I'm-so-politically-correct" ones, the original content have been replaced and changed into an almost similar question-like sentence that is so easy to be comprehended that even a mutated turtle with the brain size of a nut(edit : it was meant as a pun, but after further consideration... this could be true) can understand it as well.

All Nokia are handphones.
Does that mean that all handphones are Nokia?

Answer is a toss between a yes and a no and would be overtly obvious.

Well, I guess that's what happens when supposedly sensitive subjects are mixed in with simple common sense. It gets out of hand.

Whop?

2006-11-02T02:28:00.000+08:00

You know, if I were to sum up my whole life with a soundtrack, I'll choose The Last of the Mohicans.

My Shopping Exeperience

2006-10-30T20:28:00.000+08:00

Imagine a herd of kerbaus grazing on a grassland. And a tiger slowly stalking and killing them one by one for its daily meal.

I don't know about you guys, but going past the 2nd hour of shopping, I'm can really start to vividly see that I was that tiger in my previous life and shopping girls are one of those kerbaus that I ate in my past life sent here as a karma payback for my previous life's sins(of eating slow moving kerbaus).

The Accident

2006-10-27T14:22:00.000+08:00

Have you ever driven a car out of a junction into the main road and as your car is crossing the main road into the other direction, suddenly, BANG!

Your car got hit by another car which you didn't see coming from the direction you're entering.

And you get out and without missing a beat, repeatedly expressing your displeasure to the aggrieved driver that you did not see his car coming at all, therefore, it could not possibly be your fault and it is definately not fair to punish you for something that you can't possibly forsee(if you can't see in the first place) and this goddamn driver should just shut his mouth.

What's the moral of this story then?
There's none. It's just a story to tell you that when it comes to relieving oneself of responsibility, fault and culpability on ones mistake, people will shamelessly use any excuses, any excuses at all to justify their actions and absolve themselves off all blame even though it is a case which is so blatantly obvious.

The Product to Decimate the Opposition Horsies (iGallopie)

2006-10-21T03:31:00.000+08:00

Enough is enough. Emperor Ngiam have enough of these hogwash. We have now launched an immediate counter offensive with our realm's mascot.

p.s. : For reference look at TheStar 20th Oct 2006 pg N17.

Edit: here's the opposition's version.

Thoughts

2006-10-20T04:04:00.000+08:00

Ever notice how conveniently Mr Assumption appear whenever an explanation is needed for a disagreement/dispute/problem?

Fruity Thoughts

2006-10-18T11:53:00.000+08:00

People loves to complain about others who will only talk but gives no actions.

Can you detect the subtle irony here?

Because someone say that she have no say in my blog.....I grant you your wish

2006-10-16T18:28:00.000+08:00

June :いま、会いにゆきます says:
i am enjoying myself in my moosiland..

The Search is ON!!!!!

2006-10-15T02:48:00.000+08:00

Among the herd of Orang Utans lies a lonely unattached orang utan that have never loved before in its life. The following 4 paged(pls view in sequence) promotional brochure is designed to hook up this last lonely unattached creature with a mate suitable for life.

Long live BADAK!! Semua punggung beca menjadi pujaanmu!!!

2006-10-08T17:30:00.000+08:00

do not kill apostates please says:

sayang ku

Ngiam. I just.... says:

wat is this man? converting to buddhism doesnt mean that u hafta go gay on me

do not kill apostates please says:

buddhist meh?

do not kill apostates please says:

thats madonna merokok

do not kill apostates please says:

tuhan kau sendiri pun tak kenal'

Ngiam. I just.... says:

eh tu bukan tuhan ku lar

Ngiam. I just.... says:

aku sembahyang badak

do not kill apostates please says:

kau patut sembahyang kepada tuhan madonna

do not kill apostates please says:

dia akan beri kau kekayaan

do not kill apostates please says:

tapi badak pun ok juga

do not kill apostates please says:

cuma dia makin pupus

Ngiam. I just.... says:

takpe... itu pasal saya sembahyang dia

Ngiam. I just.... says:

bagi chance kat dia sikit

Ngiam. I just.... says:

kalau banyak orang puja kat dia

Ngiam. I just.... says:

mungkin boleh selamatkan kot

do not kill apostates please says:

badak sumatra lebih bagus

do not kill apostates please says:

sbb lebih terpupus

Ngiam. I just.... says:

badak sama badak

Ngiam. I just.... says:

harapan dan doa ku beri kepada semua badak yang masih wujud di dunia ini

do not kill apostates please says:

kau sungguh mulia hatimu

Ngiam. I just.... says:

tentulah

Ngiam. I just.... says:

pengikut agama sebegini

Ngiam. I just.... says:

mana boleh cari?

do not kill apostates please says:

kata2 mu begitu indah

Ngiam. I just.... says:

bagaikan pantun

Ngiam. I just.... says:

membuat semua orang menitis air mata pilu

do not kill apostates please says:

LOL

do not kill apostates please says:

hebat kata2 mu

do not kill apostates please says:

tapi mana pantunnya?

Ngiam. I just.... says:

oh badak. oh badak

do not kill apostates please says:

ucapkan lah pantun itu semoga hari ku lebih lengkap

Ngiam. I just.... says:

tanduk mu bagaikan pisang

Ngiam. I just.... says:

kupas satu kupas dua

Ngiam. I just.... says:

ku makan sangat sedap

Ngiam. I just.... says:

dah... habis ku berpantun

do not kill apostates please says:

kaulah perwira ku

Ngiam. I just.... says:

memangku pun......

Ngiam. I just.... says:

aku agong

do not kill apostates please says:

OMG sigur ros is coming to singapore!!!!!

Ngiam. I just.... says:

sapa tu?

Ngiam. I just.... says:

pekebun ros ka?

do not kill apostates please says:

kau ni tuhan yg lemah

Ngiam. I just.... says:

aku terror....

do not kill apostates please says:

itulah band hebat kesukakan beta

Ngiam. I just.... says:

band engkau tanam ros buat apa?!?

do not kill apostates please says:

Sigur Ros nama band

do not kill apostates please says:

band itu nama Sigur Ros

Ngiam. I just.... says:

bunyi macam sembur ros saja

do not kill apostates please says:

kau ni sangat rendah otak

do not kill apostates please says:

mari aku kenalkan kau game handal

Ngiam. I just.... says:

tapi aku lebih tinggi daripada engkau

Ngiam. I just.... says:

maknanya otak ku tinggi

Ngiam. I just.... says:

kau pendek

do not kill apostates please says:

http://weikiat.ikueb.com/thewicked/index.html

do not kill apostates please says:

benar!

do not kill apostates please says:

kau lagi tinggi

do not kill apostates please says:

!!1

do not kill apostates please says:

sangat benar!

Ngiam. I just.... says:

aku gembira engkau mengakui fakta keagongan ku

do not kill apostates please says:

*menari gembira*

do not kill apostates please says:

wahai tuhan adakah kau boleh beri aku konek yg lebih besar dari semulajadi 8 inci ini?

Ngiam. I just.... says:

boleh... ikut instructions ku.....

Ngiam. I just.... says:

beli satu besi panjang

Ngiam. I just.... says:

diameter lebih korang 5 inci

Ngiam. I just.... says:

tinggi lebigh kurang 15 inci

Ngiam. I just.... says:

lepas tu, guna soldering lekatkan kat konek engkau

Ngiam. I just.... says:

kalau panjang sangat

Ngiam. I just.... says:

boleh guna gergaji potong

Ngiam. I just.... says:

bahagian yang terlampau menunjuk

do not kill apostates please says:

hebatnya kurniaan tuhan

Ngiam. I just.... says:

ini pesannan ku untuk cucu cicit mu pada masa hadapan

Ngiam. I just.... says:

rekodlah kurniaan ku pada batu bersurat

Ngiam. I just.... says:

agung mau tidur

Ngiam. I just.... says:

selamat bertinggal

Brief Movie Review

2006-10-03T17:59:00.000+08:00

Lo and behold, the world greatest B-flick movie (at this moment) : Talladega Nights

Stupid... lame.... spasticated....

And more importantly, it is FUNNY!

So what are you waiting for? Eat more onions and start farting your way to the nearest cinemas!!!!

Cerita Bermoral.

2006-09-14T22:37:00.000+08:00

Maka tersebutlah suatu kisah pada masa silam di mana terdapat dua orang anak berumur 6 tahun yang bezanya, Ali masih buta huruf kerana malas belajar dan Ahmad, bijak membaca lagi rajin.

Malang tidak berbau, terjadilah suatu kemalangan pada suatu hari, kereta bapa mereka yang masing - masing diletak di luar rumah dilanggar kereta yang kemudiannya cabut dipandu meninggalkan 2 buah kereta yang remuk.

Ahmad, yang pandai membaca, berjaya mengingati nombor kereta tersebut dan memberitahu bapanya. Terus bapanya memberi duit kecil - kecilan kepada pakciknya yang bekerja di JPJ dan mendapat alamat si bangsat tersebut. Lalu bapanya pergi ke rumah pesalah dan memukulnya stail movie Hindi. Akhirnya, bapa Ahmad berjaya mendapat pampasan dan memberikan RM50 kepadanya sebagai ganjaran.

Ali yang tidak pandai belajar pula, di bantai bapanya "kau - kau" kerana tidak dapat mengingati nombor kereta tersebut. Dia dirotan berpuluh - puluh kali dan diikat di pokok rambutan untuk disengat. Bapanya terpaksa mengeluarkan duit sendiri untuk membaiki keretanya. Akhirnya, Ali dipaksa menoreh getah untuk membayar duit pembaikian kereta bapanya.

Wahai kanak - kanak sekalian, biarlah cerita di atas menjadi teladan kepada semua. Kalau tidak belajar, nahas padahnya. Insaflah.

Berita Terkini!!!!

2006-09-13T20:17:00.000+08:00

Baginda Diraja Ngiam Diserang dengan KEJAM!

KALA LAMPA: Baginda Ngiam yang sedang meronda di kawasan tanah jajahannya pada malam lalu telah diserang bertalu - talu tanpa belas kasihan oleh pembunuh upahan yang tidak dikenali.

Kaki baginda yang telah diserang bertalu - talu tanpa belas kasihan

Saksi awam, Arnab Loh yang secara kebetulan sedang melalui kawasan kejadian tersebut dengan sebuah beg tangan merah berkata " Sungguh mengerikan. Semuanya berlaku dengan cepat. Pembunuh upahan tiba - tiba muncul dan mula menyerang baginda dan menghentam kakinya bertalu - talu secara kejam. Saya cuba bantai sama dia dengan beg merah saya, tapi lepas tu dia lagi syiok lagi menghentam girang!"

Saksi : Arnab Loh dengan beg merahnya yang comel

Pembunuh upahan yang dikatakan kelihatan seperti buah tomato yang penyek kemudiannya berlari cepat ke arah "getaway" basnya untuk melarikan diri.

Gambar photofit pembunuh upahan yang dikenali sebagai tomato penyek.

Pembunuh upahan tersebut yang sehingga kini masih lagi tidak dapat dikenalpasti, MASIH lagi berkeliaran di kawasan sekitar. Penduduk yang menetap di kawasan sekeliling dinasihatkan supaya mengambil langkah berjaga - jaga dan menyimpan satu tin petrol dan mancis.

Oleh kerana pembunuh adalah amat tidak berperikamanusiaan dan dipercayai amat hodoh sehingga dapat membutakan mata, para penduduk digalakkan untuk membasahi diri mereka dengan petrol and menyalakan mancis untuk mengelakkan masa hadapan yang terseksa.

Sekian. Terima Kasih.

The Story

2006-08-16T20:15:00.000+08:00

Let me tell you guys a story.

Once upon a time, there is a illegal race car driver named Ah Beng. One day he was cruising along the street listening to "Tell Laura I Love Her" when he saw a traffic light flashing green. With his great driving instinct, he floored his car and managed to pass the traffic light safely while it was still green.

Alas, while he was just crossing over the crossroad of the traffic light junction, a samseng driver run against the traffic light from another direction and bang into Ah Beng's car.

Ah Beng came out from his car and did some macha Indian dance around the car to show his machoness before declaring the samseng driver is at fault (which is true). However samseng driver insist that he is right and Ah Beng is wrong.

Sensing that the situation is getting out of hand, Ah Beng threaten to call the police.

Sensing that the situation is getting out of hand too, samseng driver took out his heavy mobile phone and whacked Ah Beng into unconciousness.

Ah Beng woke up tied to a tree facing samseng driver again.

Samseng driver threaten Ah Beng;

Sameseng Driver : Admit you are wrong now. Or I shall plunge this cangkul into you skinny chest.

Ah Beng : I am not wrong. You're the one who ran the red light and bang me. You're the wrong one.

Samseng Driver : Yes. I am the one who ran the red light and bang into you. But I'm the one holding the threatening cangkul now. So admit that you're wrong, and you'll be freed.

Ah Beng : I am not wrong and I will never admit to it. In principle, I am right and I am the man who holds true to my principle and will never admit that I am wrong if I am not.

Then samseng driver plunge the cangkul into Ah Beng chest and killed him.

THE END.

Wretched peoples.

2006-08-16T20:03:00.000+08:00

If my words were to come out from the mouth of a senior manager, would you have said otherwise then?

How and When

2006-08-13T18:17:00.000+08:00

The hard part has never been the decision making part. It is always hardest at point where you are trying to live up to your decision. To push it through and to be done with it.

The numerous interrogation to suffer through.

The question of the future still to be answered firm.

The countless people to face.

Now it's a matter of how and when.

A-Hah!

2006-08-06T19:05:00.000+08:00

Ever realise that being chivalrous is akin to a form of sexual discrimination?

The difference between passion and reality

2006-07-23T18:43:00.000+08:00

From now on, I am to refrain from investing my time and effort onto things and activities in which I'm passionate for, but already know that I lack the skill and will in the end, be there just to make up the number.

Godamn the world. Roger and out.

Why being a Guava Seller is never such a bad option

2006-07-10T21:33:00.000+08:00

Why is that, when you go around letting everyone know about your increasingly happy working atmosphere without dwelling onto the fact that you spend an increasingly longer hour at work till 9pm, all thoughts that could cross other people's mind is that : "You get to go back at 430pm everyday... that's why you're so goddamn happy!"

In the end, it gets you thinking. Is this what working is suppose to be? Is that what we're expected to say? Beating our chest around, directly mentioning our supposed late working escapade, failing which will (and must) give everyone else the impression that you're this useless parasite slug who goes back at 5pm everyday?

So is this what people termed as working impression?

The link between my childhood and World Cup

2006-07-09T20:53:00.000+08:00

I still remember my primary school years, when we have this ceremony like thingy at the end of our primary six years to celebrate our graduation to high school.

One of the thing that I can still vividly remember till now was what happenned at the very last moment of the ceremony. The moment when every kid around the area where I sat suddenly decided to cry en massed.

Confused kid : Ngiam, why aren't you crying? Won't you miss school?
Ngiam : Yeah, but not until to that extent. (I will admit that my English wasn't that great but I replied something with a similiar meaning)
Confused kid : You're not trying hard enough! Look at my eyes! I've managed to cry a few tears (I remember this well, this is the part where I was shown the one precious tear of the said person and as if to emphasize on the point of crying = love school, the tear was deliberately left to trickle down that gay boy's cheek)

There you have it. A bunch of kids collectively believing that crying is the only viable option to show your love for the school that you're going to depart, and with no other way, you'll have to generate tears to show it.

And here you have it too, with World Cup fever reaching it's penultimate best, everyone will want to have a piss of it. Everyone will have a say at the end of it.

Everyone will be World Cup expert, regardless of their knowledge base. And everyone at the end of tomorrow, will tell you that, it was them... all along, who have been supporting Italy/France (strike off whichever is the loser) since their childhood years, quoting to the effect, the name of some obscure French/Italian footballer's name to prove their point. And it was them who have told you all along that secretly they believe that Italy/France will win the WC, witholding only because of you fervent support of other much more supported team.

Then unexpectedly, sudden as they appear, they disappear. And believe me, you'll see 'em again in 2008.

Welcome to the world of bandwagon jumpers.

Does recycling really is going to save the world?

2006-07-02T20:43:00.000+08:00

Ever heard of this song?

"Happy B'day to you, You're born in the zoo, etc...."

It really sounds like something ingenuous among your peers at the age of 5.

But once these very verses starts coming out from people with an age of over 20, it gives you this deep feeling of lameness that won't satisfactorily go away unless you plummel the "Mat Lame"'s head inside out with your fist.

Same like the other stories/jokes/jargons/buzzword/witty remark/witty etc. that keep on doing its rounds repeatedly these days.

There's this border that separates lameness and being clever. And recycling expired stories/jokes/jargons/buzzword/witty remark/witty etc. certainly doesn't belong in the "being clever" category.

So if you idiots out there would like to sound intelligent, please for once, make up your own stories/jokes/jargons/buzzword/witty remark/witty etc., and please, spare me the agony of forcing a halfsmile every time you start pouring these recycled materials out.

High Potential of Waste of Time

2006-06-26T21:51:00.000+08:00

It always a game of impression management.

Some people contrary to all impression shown initially, is just a complete waste of time in the end.

Just Us

2006-06-25T17:01:00.000+08:00

We see what we believe we should see.

We hear what we believe we should hear.

In the end, we believe that we're the Mister Know-it-all cause everything is just what we believe should be seen and heard.

Divine word of pessimistic wisdom

2006-06-24T22:49:00.000+08:00

When you're driving on a narrow one-laned one-way road, you can only go as fast as the car in front of you.

Faking It

2006-05-03T22:19:00.000+08:00

It's twisting me already. I'm not even sure who myself is anymore.

Too much of a need to wear mask out there.

Too much of a need to be pretentious.

For once, the likelihood of me not surviving this crazy place crossed my mind. Not because of the need to toil hard. Or the peanuts that they gave me. It's just that I'm just not cut out for these pre-stipulated circus performance.

They call it a game. It bears a significant similarity to the "Survivor". The most subservient chimp gets the best banana in the circus.

Time

2006-05-01T01:54:00.001+08:00

It passes so fast that you hardly notice it. But it's there.

Just a fews year back ago, everyone was this fresh faced person. Unaffected by hustle of the outside world. Just carefree and innocent. It was much more easier to laugh as a person still untainted by life's commitment then.

When someone settles down for good, it suddenly dawned to you that the memories that still runs through your head every now and then, as vivid as it was yesterday, is going to be just another memory consigned for tomorrow.

Suddenly, it became obvious to you. You've grown. Everyone has.

The progress of time.

I've never really gotten to express my appreciation to a certain group of people who've touched me in many ways that I would've never known.

To this group of special people, whom after a brief acquaintance of ten days, afforded me a lifetime of their incomparable friendship.

Thank you.

...

2006-04-20T23:00:00.000+08:00

Mindless toil.All too wanton to forgive.Endless senseless politeness.Neverending confusion.Inept ingrates.

Persoalan?

2006-04-17T00:07:00.000+08:00

Pencukur misai : Lobak jingga yang diumpankan pada arnab itu, tidak dimakannya.

Pengetip kuku : Mengapa agaknya?

Difference between the real thing and the wannabes

2006-04-16T23:40:00.000+08:00

Some people convert their car engine till such lighting speed that it can't help making noise.

Some people modify their car's noise level so that it appear fast.

A place where Siva can be Hero

2006-04-07T01:39:00.000+08:00

Well, you guys have heard about the lull before the storm before. Here's another one.

Yeah, some of the conversation were a lil lame. I was rushing this in before my holiday in Terengganu. Just so that you poor lonely people out there can have something to stare at, during work hours. Suckers!!

Editted : for all you guys who can't really read the above picture. Press the picture for enlargement. If you have just realised you have been missing a brain all along, you can check for it by digging it out through your earhole.

Lovely day

2006-03-21T22:17:00.000+08:00

Exited my workplace and saw a huge jam.

Look about and saw that the cause of the jam is as previously describe:

The Roundabout

Some impatient motorist started to honking futilely.

Nobody's will be going anywhere. Everyone in the roundabout can't go anywhere because idiots from incoming lane keep trying to go into roundabout and at the same time blocking the exiting car's path.

I had a very hearty laugh back to my car.

Really enjoy seeing people(albeit idiots) torturing themselves.

Must have been some kind of a sadist my previous life.

End-Weekend feelings

2006-03-20T00:34:00.000+08:00

I can't really describe this feeling come the end of weekend and approaching Monday.

However, I can tell you that it involves an urge to buy a mass of RM3 million jackpot lotto ticket worth RM3 each.

Post Fuel Blame Game

2006-03-12T21:48:00.000+08:00

Oh come on. Get real. Complaining non-stop about it. When will you stop?

I'll tell you what I think. I think 30 cents is too little. In fact, we should increase it by RM1. The higher the better.

It's simple really.

You genius have managed to relate(correctly) the sudden price increase of fuel price to your cup of teh tarik(and every other things) and lament about it to everyone around the your vincinity. I'm in awe of your prowess.

Well, I guess you must have conveniently left your brain in your toilet bowl when it comes to realising that if presently a sudden increase can cause such domino effect, doesn't that means that in the past, we have been drinking government subsidized teh tarik?

Now, get a brain and ponder on the above properly before you start protesting over it, dimwit.

But if you ask me who's fault is it, without a doubt I'll finger our Mr Government. Why? Cause they have been a bunch of twits to keep our fuel price at such a low level for the past few years.

With fuel subsidized so much and price of other items kept at a lower rate as a result of it, this creates an illusion of us having tremendous purchasing power when in the actual current reality, we don't really have it.

When this happens, our dear rakyat friend contrives to live a lavish lifestyle. An entry level salaryman when presented with a choice of Kancil and Honda, vainly(pre-fuel increase) decided on the petrol guzzling(comparison) foreign make on pretext of investment for quality because of the government fuel subsidy which created an illusion that a RM2345 salary is more than enough to cater for this exuberant lifestyle.

And then BAM! Come PRICE INCREASE. Have to pay additional RM200 per month for petrol. And there you see. That Mr Salaryman, a wonderful fusion of idioticity in part of the government and Mr Salaryman himself, at the street in front of KLCC, protesting over the fuel hike.

What a great combination of idioticity.

When you take a break, don't get a Kit Kat. Go get a brain.

Your ray of light

2006-03-08T23:04:00.000+08:00

To all my cherished friends,

You are all constantly in my mind. I have already procured your Christmas/birthday a few months in advance. When the time comes, you won't be seeing me scurrying around like some rat trying to find you a wonderful gift. YOU WILL BE THE ONE SCURRYING AROUND!!!

My benevolence nature has shown through again.

Again, the veil of darkness penetrated by the bright ray called Ngiam.

Yours Truly,
Ngiam SW

Song review: The Adulterous Rat Song

2006-03-06T20:24:00.000+08:00

I don't know what it is called. But lately, it had become contagious in the same way as the bird flu. Hazardous. It's this idiotic song about some kampung rat having an affair with some rice paddy.

I can't really understand Chinese that well, but hell, you don't need a Mandarin scholar to tell you the deep meaning of it. Hereby, I've taken the liberty to help enlighten those who totally don't understand English.(Now, don't you ever say I never do anything for the community anymore)

This rat song is about a horny kampung rat having an adulterous affair with some innocent paddy rice lying around Sekinchan. This union result in a horde of rice paddy scurrying around with 4 legs which looks strangely alike a rat's leg. The descendant of the rat and paddy rice survive by riding the back of a very single minded chicken determine to change the face of planet Earth.

Unexpectedly they forge a lifelong connection, one whose complications, joys and tragedies provide a testament to the endurance and power of love. (Guess where I stole this line from?)

Kilometer by kilometer they travel to the city of Kuala Lumpur. Until one day, a very sympathetic midget basketball player wannabe offered them a speedy ride to where their goal.

I can't remember much after this. What I can remember is that somewhere near the end, there's the sentence "flash of a knife". And it ended with something about a tasty chicken rice.

Yeah, a totally senseless and unromantic song. And yet an innumberable of gAh Bengs are sprouting up everywhere trying to get lucky with their girlfriends by serenading this song. This is it guys, the moment before our country fall into utter chaos with gAh Beng and Lians copulating openly all over Jalan Imbi and a sudden birth of 3 million babies 9 months onwards.

Just like the gAh Bengs, these morally corrupting songs should be banned.

So Hollow

2006-03-05T00:27:00.000+08:00

Can't really exactly figure this out, but there's this pondering feeling whenever the ending of a certain song comes out.

Reminds you of wistful thoughts that you had long ago. Of things that you held dearly. Subsequently to be unmasked as nothing but emptiness.

Of events that you are sure will never stop you. Later to succumb to more than what was counted on before.

So hollow.

Survey

2006-02-21T20:14:00.000+08:00

In response (quite a prompt one you would agree) to Hui Woon's sudden lovey dovey email, I have promptly set up a survey to discover the current opinion of others on Hui Woon.

Please be objective and honest in answering the survey. No point lying ok? We need everyone's honest answer here. You may click as many times as possible if you think you are the most correct.

Thank you for your cooperation.

The mother of all inventions!!!

2006-02-19T21:04:00.000+08:00

Tonight, we're going to talk about ridding a national pest, reducing national unemployment numbers and conquering the world's largest economy. All in one.

In other words, killing more than two birds with one stone. This might be one of the world's greatest invention yet. Ever heard of the world's much touted revolutionary invention, Segway? This will sure to eclipse it. Even your neighborhood market going aunty will talk about it on their walks to the wet market. It is this HUGE!!!!

Now, this invention unlike most of the so - called mega project that we have around here, will not require much of an investment. And even better, after much calculation, it's payback time will be less than 6 month. Now, this surely is the next best thing to your evil boss being slowly run over by a rampaging bulldozer. yeah?

So to the project then. Require equipment?

A hole big enough to fit 5 kancils.
Automated adjustable concretes camouflage to look like a road surface.
2 Catapultable steel block.
Bullet proof booth installed with hand sensor.
Small-size automated manufacturing plant.

Employs? 1 person.

Further clarification will be needed on this national pest. What is it then? Ever being nearby/on a road at night:

1. And suddenly the car starts to rev its engine even though the countdown clocked installed above reads 67? And you have to lift your two hands from your motorbike handle to cover your nose to prevent the toxic smoke from poisoning your brain, further increasing your idioticity, causing your kapchai bike to topple over into a nearby sewer with your poor Valentine date?

2. Minding your own business when suddenly a car overtake you and blind you with 50 multi colored Philips 35 watt lamp? And you have to lift your hands (again) to cover your eye to prevent it from being blinded, and your car to swerve to the nearby plantation, killing a few local lembus innocently munching some grass in the middle of the night, causing the whole kampung to tie you naked to a nearby termite nest?

3. Just lighted the fuse of your mother of a firecracker when a car suddenly increase it's bass volume 5000X more, rendering you stoned at the spot for a moment and waking up the next morning with 3 less finger and a leg stump?

Yeah, I can hear a chorus of aye now. And do I have a solution? Hell, it solves everything, all the way to that niggling pus at the end of your buttock.

To understand the concept, have a look at the simple 2D diagram at the bottom.

Continuing the description of this mindblowing invention:

1. Dig a hole and install the automated asjustable camouflage concrete on top of it. Make sure that it is wired to the hand sensor inside the bulletproof booth.
2. Pay some aunty from the local neighborhood RM40/hour to insert her hands in the booth. Trust me, you'll earn even more than that.

Methodology of equipment:

1. An sophisticated cultured driver with his mindblowing loud, glaring, smoke induced invisibility will pass by.
2. The aunty with her hands inside the sensor will lift her hands to cover her eyes/ear/nose.
3. Sensor will detect sudden lost of a hand. Will trigger the adjustable camouflage concrete.
4. Car will ended up inside the hole.
5. Steel block will be triggered (the line is wired in a series sequence, to satisfy the curiosity of any engineers around here) and thus, catapulted to the end.
6. The second steel block will then push the wreckage into the automated small size manufacturing plant.
7. Automated small size manufacturing plant will process the metal car into blocks of fork and spoon.

Now, why fork and spoon? With the onslaught of modernisation and westernization in China, there will be a huge demand for fork and spoon to cater to Chinese fine dining wannabes. This is where the potential of this invention will be fully realised. The fork and spoon is dirt cheap. There is no material cost involved. All you need to do is to export all of em into China and sell 'em at a price so cheap that all the local fork and spoon goes bankrupt. After that, you will then conquer as China can't live without your fork and spoon.

There you go. Something for you guys to think about. If you have a few millions to spare and no where else to spend it. This could be the invention for you. Social Responsibility (reducing smoke, noise and light pollution all at one go), cost effective (no material production cost at all), all conquering(China market!!). What else can you ask for?!?

Cast. Deep. Wide.

2006-02-14T20:15:00.000+08:00

Doubts. And Questions.
Whether you're able to meet what was initially set?

Resistance.
How willing are you to sacrifice what essentially is you?

Tired.
When was it ever not so?

Random ramblings

2006-02-07T00:41:00.000+08:00

It's barely 5 months. And I'm already wondering when will all this going to end.

I'm tired.

When you smell the post firecraker fumes, it vividly reminds you of Chinese New Year. Nowadays, I'm searching for what that fills my lungs would mean freedom.

Weary.

And to think that 12 years ago I wished to be an adult. Now, I wish that I'm 12 years younger.

This word giving. To some, it is never your say. Some perfected maskirovka. Heartfelt is just another word in a dictionary. To most, matters no more, just as long as it comes along.

Jaded.

No worries Ngiam. You're nearing the light that's at the end of the tunnel. It's only just another 22 more years to go.

It's never going to end. Ever.

2006 Dog Zodiac

2006-02-05T21:00:00.000+08:00

Ladies and gentleman,

Nowadays, it seems as if everyone is able to perform some sort of zodiac interpretation. Therefore, being a very friendly and thoughtful I am, I've decided to join the zodiac craze and spread some helpful tips for everyone by sitting outside my house one starry night and study the stars.

Rooster

The year for rooster:

It'll do you a world of good to pay more attention to your well being as it is link tightly to your survivor this year. It is highly likely you and your whole family will get massacred and thrown into a mass grave if you don't take care of your health. Therefore, mix less with other individual of your family that might have just migrated from a faraway place.

Essential item:

A filtering mask. Wear it 24 hours a day to prevent infection of bird flu.

Auspicious habit:

Whenever you see a black crow, flap your hands and start to sing and dance the tune of Yatta! to encourage more wealth in your life.

Most compatible mate:

Your greatest enemy will become your best mate. By mating with a snake, your children will have the great characteristic of being able to live on land, water, trees, dark attics, etc. This will enable you all to escape the great bird flu purge.

Tiger

The year for the tiger:

My dear friend. It seems that your luck might not be able to hold out for the coming few years. I predict that there'll be great destruction around your housing areas. It'll mostly involve trees and fire. Other than that, take very good care of your genitals as people might just come to your housing area to skin you and grab your balls!!

Essential Item:

Car license. You will need more than your leg to escape these coming holocaust.

Auspicious habit:

Every morning, when you're brushing your teeth, use your biggest kitchen knife to sharpen your teeth. You might need it sooner than you thought.

Most compatible mate:

It's a battle of survivor for you from now on. It will be wise to breed with a dragon. This will give your future generation an ability to spew fire in self defence. Highly useful when you meet your adversary who will be holding a weapon far more superior than your bare hands.

Ox

The year for the Ox:

Due to some unstable stars on a galaxy that is 1.2412 billion light years away from the Milky Way that is influencing the events around the other animals in this zodiac, your luck for this year, will be bad. Yeps. No joke. This year, rooster will suffer a great purge. Therefore, you will become the centre of everyone's attention.... as their one of the two main viable safe food source.

Essential Item:

Diet pills. Consume to prevent yourself from being an attention grabber for this year. Your luck for this year is not good.

Auspicious habit:

Make sure that you wake up at 5 am every morning to shout. Make sure you sound as if you're a rooster. Flap your wings more often. Try to groom your facial/body hair into lookalike feathers. You might just be able to safe yourself.

Compatible mate:

Rat. Your only best alternative. Your mating effort will result in a much more smaller Ox which will enable you to run and hide in small drain holes. Your horns will protect you from cats.

Rabbit

The year for rabbit:

You will be held captive this year in a shopping complex. You'll be stripped of your dignity and will be paraded around to be groped by various people. You will also find that there'll be a lot of people staring at you and mouthing the word "cute" repeatedly from outside your cage. Try perfoming some stunts to applease to tormentor to buy freedom. Hint: They love the sadistic killing between two rabbits.

Essential Item:

Hammer. It'll buy you your freedom in a every entertaining sadistic manner.

Auspicious habit:

Practice jumping high and swinging your hands in a downward smashing like manner. It'll help you greatly.

Compatible mate:

Spreading some love to a goat will give you a much more bigger size and a horn to boot. Essentially useful to prevent groping and will no need to sadistic smash your way to freedom anymore.

Pig

The year for pig:

Planet Mars is still as red as it is the previous 23,938,453 years before. Therefore, your life will be a dead constant. Like every other year before this, your luck for this year is bleak. You'll encounter no change from the routine that you have been going through the past few years. (eat, sleep, shit, eat, sleep, shit) The only exciting thing that you ever will encounter will be when you're got herded to a special enclosure where you'll see a sudden flash of something shiny and 3 hours later, notice that your dismembered legs and tail is in various part of a moving lorry.

Essential Items:

None. Nothing can help you at your present condition.

Auspicious habit:

Nothing much to be done. Try learning tango and enjoy yourselve while it last.

Compatible mate:

You're an utter wreck. Copulating with a horse will give you the longer legs. This time might help you to escape your routine life by jumping over the cage. Think about it.

Dog

The year for the dog:

This year, you'll be in the same boat as the rabbit. You will see people making faces or whistling from outside your cubicle trying to make fun of you. Do not ignore them. Pretend to be their friends. Take them out for walks. Don't worry about peeing/shitting on their car, it's cute. Just do it. Once you've gain their trust enough, you can literally tie a leash around them and whip them with their car's steering lock.

Essential Items:

Steering lock. Steal one. It'll be useful come the end of the year.

Auspicious habit:

Year of the dog after all, spread some of your wealth around. Pee and shit on your friends. They'll love it!!

Compatible mate:

You lack proper hand and leg coordination. You tend to like standing on your hands and legs. Obtain some versatility by mating with a monkey. You can be one hell of a fascinating doggy, swinging from trees to trees.

Solved Case

2006-01-25T19:15:00.000+08:00

There's this phenomenon that constantly baffles us even until we left our secondary school.

There was this period where our toilet cubicles always seems to have someone who always seems to miss their target and have their fertile droppings platered all over the non-toiletbowl area. Then one day, over a conversation, we muses over it until finally it dawned to us what indeed actually happened.

Attached below, is the graphical description of what actually really happened.

(p.s.: i know i've been onto using paint lately, but it is for the betterment of mankind k?)

Just in case, there's still someone who can't figure out the graphical illustration(most likely these people needa read porn instead of watch porn to gratify themselvees):

1. & 2. A brief context of how the school toilet cubicle would have look like.
3. A customer of the cubicle.
3.a. Customer of cubicle discovered that........................ the lock is damaged(all cubicle the same)
3.b. Customer managed to achieve nirvana almost the very same moment the holy fertile droppings starts to annouce their presence.
4. Customer holds onto door. Hand/Butt hole not long enough.
4a. Missed bullseye.

There you go. One mystery solved.

One afternoon of stupidity

2006-01-24T21:24:00.000+08:00

One afternoon, I was stuck in a traffic jam leading to a roundabout. For 30 minutes. After that long of a wait, I decided to do my customary stunt to escape the jam(hint: something not so legal).

I began to walk to work after parking my car. And at the same time, I was curious. What could have happened at that roundabout?!? Should be some kickass accident. I was so sure about it.

Imagine my dismay when I approached the roundabout and had a good look around it, only to discover that there is no jam, no Japanese Prime Minister dancing a Yatta or a troupe of Miss Malaysia during naked squat on the roundabout.

It was as illustrated at the picture below.

It was what people would term as pure stupidity. Exit was smooth flowing. The thing that was stopping anything from moving was the collective stupidity of everyone who decided at the same time to be inconsiderate and don't give any space to anyone to go their way. Thus, traffic stops and builds up 58km long.

I told you all along that I was living in a world of idiots.

Idiot

2006-01-17T21:25:00.000+08:00

The idiot. At the start.

2 weeks later. Non the wiser. Still an idiot. The same idiot set off for a journey that was to prove that the idiot after all, is the idiotest.

It's a wonder that it is nearly one year since that trip.

It's an even more amazing wonder that the idiot, still is. An idiot.

A CNY invitation letter to friends.

2006-01-17T21:02:00.000+08:00

Dear friends,

It is to your great misfortune that Emperor Ngiam won't be that desperate anymore for your companionship for the next few weekends. This is mostly due to the fact that Emperor Ngiam will be indulging himself in an activity that will get his ass molested repeatedly by unidentified strangers during the said weekends.

Please do not be alarm as this does not mean that Emperor Ngiam will be totally isolating himself from ya all as he is still open to any type of engagement as long as it involves:

1. spearing a rhino
2. house decorating with feathers from crane/penguin
3. exterminating road roaches (gAh beng)
4. any combination of above.

So if you are miserable and unappreciated during the CNY and would like to do something uplifting, please do not hesitate to call Emperor Ngiam to enlist yourselve for an Emperor Ngiam appreciation program, where comforting confidence inducing pats will be administered to arouse a feeling of being uplifted.

I can't wait to be an integral part of your exhilarating experience during CNY.

Yours truly (superfriend),

Emperor Ngiam

Ngiam's Advance Dictionary

2006-01-15T21:41:00.000+08:00

maggot in a bin says:
whats a motorcade?

Ngiam. I just.... says:
motorcade = a bunch of official looking cars carrying supposely VIP to their destination to sign agreements which in which 30% of its value will be transferred into their secret Swiss bank account

No need to thank me. I'm glad to be that one strobe that is bringing enlightenment to your life.

Train and Cars

2006-01-02T09:15:00.000+08:00

I'm going to talk in riddles again. Understand it in your own way. The gist is somewhere in there, search it out yourselve.

There are many ways of reaching a certain destination. By air, train, car, walking etc. That goes for how we form our opinions on certain subjects.

We can be like a train. Putra-LRT for example. In order to reach Asia Jaya from Taman Paramount, there is only one way that leads to it. And from Asia Jaya onwards, the track will only leads to one destination, which is Taman Jaya.

We can also be like a car. Take the very same Asia Jaya as the focal point. Before reaching Asia Jaya, we could have came from Shah Alam, Tasik Bera or Pasir Mas. We have a choice of different routes to get to Asia Jaya. And from Asia Jaya onwards, we can choose to find our way to Ipoh, Kuantan or even Kangar.

I met a train recently. And I was disappointed. No. Not of the train. But of myself.

I should have gave in to my instinct to crush the train at that very moment. But NO, I choose the most idiotic reply ever. I did a Gandhi onto myself and talk like a peace loving dove with the care to not to indirectly point out that the train friend of mine have a brain with a filling of a McD's pineapple pie.

Damn. I need more evil.

My New Year Resolution

2006-01-01T03:08:00.000+08:00

What's all these hype over new years resolution?
What's these need for multiple resolution?

Me? I go the simple way. Just one resolution that will solve the rest of my problem.

1. Buy lottery to strike RM3 million jackpot for year 2006.

Thank you.

Cheapo Company I've been to

2005-12-21T20:45:00.000+08:00

I realised that I used to channel a great energy into talking about this certain company whenever the word "chinaman company" was mentioned.

I would always grouse on how this certain hypocrite miser of a manager would take a cut of your pay if you're late and then proceed to feign ignorance/lost of memory/etc. when you work late hours.

But just as I was walking to my work(thankfully not that comp), the morning sun suddenly shined on me and voila!!! I got enlightened!

It finally came down to my senses that it wasn't the company's fault at all. It was all along my fault. Cause it was obvious all along from the company's name:

ELCheapO

Joshua The Court Jester

2005-12-19T20:23:00.000+08:00

Hear ye! Hear ye!

I've decided that there are some memories which we should cherish. And it is criminal to just let it disappear into thin air.

Therefore, I've decided to immortalise our very own superstar, Joshua Ong, first 3 video debut back in 2003.

Joshua the newsreporter

Joshua the friendly monster

Just Josh

The search for the Empress

2005-12-18T02:00:00.000+08:00

Since I've posted a mystery thriller of my hungry car, I'm sure you guys are wondering what type of female homo sapien that makes me ticks.

There you go guys. The first hand view of Ngiam's idea on the perfect Empress.

Before we go on. We need to be clear on just what type of person, Ngiam is. Facts are as follow:

1. loves collecting fished in streams, river, swamps.
2. camping in nature areas with TENTS and NO basic amenities around. (depends on river for water supply and tree leaves for toilet paper)

3. travelling in a really bare manner. (I meant cycling/kayak. Not traveling to singapore not wearing anything)

Let us dissect the facts above and create a vision of the perfect Empress Ngiam.

Notice that the most important part of my life is fish collection. I will be frequenting swampy and riverine areas in the future. And as the life of the Emperor is imperative, someone got to be my bodyguard wherever I go. Therefore the dream trait that the empress should have is the ability to wrestle a crocodile.(it doesn't matter if it's win or lose doesn't matter, there can be lotsa Empress, but there can always be only one Emperor!!)

The second point is not that hard either. The empress must be able to withstand the sight of a huge water leach sucking her blood. Not forgetting must be strong enough to chop down trees for firewood and agile enough to climb trees to recover stolen items from the pesky monkeys that are bound to be around.

The third point is quite easy actually, the empress must be able to cycle or kayak around with an additional weight of one emperor(me). Nothing fancy. Just need to be able to cycle/kayak the emperor around and at the same time repair any life threatening damage on the bicycle and kayak.

Well to summarise, generally the emperor is not asking much, only for the empress to be able to:

1. wrestle crocodile. (you will be dropped into the Melaka crocodile farm to test your crocodile wrestling ability)
2. strong enough to chop down trees. (there's lot's of trees behind my house waiting to be chopped down)
3. agile enough to chase monkeys. (We'll start with the monkey behind my house. They've been rowdy with my mango tree)
4. cycle/kayak the emperor around and repairs. (straight forward deal. you may choose between cycling the emperor from johor to kelantan, or kayaking the emperor from teluk batik to pulau pangkor on the highest tide)

There. Only for simple demand. Yet Essential. Let the chase begin then. If you are able to meet the above criteria, please do not hesitate to post your name, address, and phone number at the comment section to participate in the "The search for the Empress"

Btw, if any of you is not able to meet the above criteria but has the networth equivalent to Donad Trump's. please, YOU MUST APPLY!!!!!

My car have been possessed!!

2005-12-17T15:13:00.000+08:00

First, my organizer together with my RM100 MPPJ monthly pass vanish.

Then, the surat sumpah that I made to get the RM50 discount for a new MPPJ pass disappeared.

Both of em, in my car. Call it a coincidence. But I have reasons to believe that my car is indeed haunted.

God damn it!! It means that I should either perform exorcism onto it or some sort of sacrifical ceremony to applease my car. And knowing that it is most likely that my car will share the same temperament as me, sacrificing an innocent goat might not be enough. Most likely I'll need to "lend" Hui Woon's favourite pet hamster(retarded, in Ipoh) or Jess's pet cat(in kuching, where else) to thoroughly applease it. And again, remembering that we might just share the common vileness, chopping off the hamster/cat's head in front of the car might not suffice. I bet I'll need to sprinkle 'em blood all over the car to buy myself some "safe driving" credit from my haunted car.

Now most of you guys have been wondering, why the heck am I still not tied down with any decent girls out there. Here's the answer mates. My car is haunted. It eats up anything that is important to me. Including girls. My last date ended in a disastrous manner. The poor girl got eaten by my car. And I spent 3 days just to clean off the bits of bloods and bones from my bloody car.

Yeah, now that answers the question of why is Ngiam still single after all these while. No, I'm not gay. Or have sworn a vow to serve a temple for the rest of my life. And neither I am a eunuch (as most of you have been speculating behind my back).

It's my car.

Hey Whatever!

2005-12-04T12:50:00.000+08:00

Sigh, whatever that suits to your whims.

"Always, saying-to make-take-on you."

The Journey

2005-11-29T21:20:00.000+08:00

All it takes, is only one hour of sleep to produce a Ngiam who will hold a blue blanket and sleepwalk at the same time to the living room. Sit beside it's shellshock mom. Mumble something incoherant about somekind of computer game for five seconds. Return to bed and continue sleep.

Do wonder the times when I do sleepwalk without really knowing about it. Wonder what did I do at that time? I pretty sure that I must have done something cool like squashing some innocent hamster or set some homes on fire during my last sleepwalking stint.

2005-11-27T15:01:00.000+08:00

Compassion or Responsibility?

The Lull Before The Storm

2005-11-19T01:46:00.000+08:00

I've been quiet lately. And I guess for those who knows me quiet well, it's like a lull before the coming storm.

So here. The Storm. Lap it up then.

Something that I've promised someone for a very long time.

In case any of you is still scratching your head over the purpose of a picture of someone stepping onto a red ninja's head, pls move your MOUSE cursor over picture to get a much clearer picture. clicking the mouse at the picture will give the CLEAREST picture.

Yeps. True to my promise. I've embark on an effort to do a free promo for our friend who had promised a charity show a while ago. To give an even bigger value to the promotion, I've decided to design the promo poster in the form of a DVD cover. This is just like killing two birds with one stone. In one way, it's a great publicity tool, another, a already prepared DVD cover for commercialization purpose by our very own VCD pirateers

Bicycle Rulez

2005-11-13T22:10:00.000+08:00

You know about those showboating mat motors that's filling up our streets?

Recently, I've discovered the younger version of mat motor... Guess wat?

There exist a previously undiscovered younger version called the basikal gang. Yeps. Younger with no money to boot. The ever reliable good ol' bicycle is the only way for 'em to impress chicks to loiter around with at the local supermarket for dates at the Rm1 kiddy ride.

Among the impressive maneuver, is ;

1. the ever impressive, riding bicycle around in the middle of the night without lights. It shows the ever dwindling value that people term as bravery. Guarantee to impress even the lorry driver that manage to spot 'em moments before running them down with the lorry/trailer.

2. Continuing from above. If no lorry driver manage to run em down, swerving from one lane to the other lane in a very impressive manner which will remind you of professional MotorGP riders. Value shown: Ability to observe and execute moves in the almost exact manner as the professionals.Very useful in the the local manufacturing factory where repetitiveness is a much valued trait.

3. Ability to handle bike in a straight line without the usage of hands. After a while they are expected to be able to swerve around without the usage of hands. Amazing skills. Total mastery of the cycling skill. Again this demonstrate another ability that much companies are looking for in the employees nowadays. With their hands free, this means that they will have the ability to multitask. They can carry a huge amount of groceries that their mum ask for while cycling, brush teeth while cycling, comb their hair while cycling(to impress girls), play badminton while cycling, snatch handbag while cycling, etc.

4. Ability to flap their hands in a birdly manner. It is totally so cool as cycling has turn into an art form. An avenue for artsy farties to express the deep artistic sides of themselves. Moral value: it shows that they are deeply cultured for their age. Entertaintment on bikes. Bound to impress even more chicks. Again, lorry drivers will be mighty impress of the sight moments before feeling something bumpy underneath their lorries.

Damn it. I just can't understand these issues of unemployment. With such multitalented people in Malaysia, those multinational companies should be fighting their ass off to get these fellas to work for 'em.

Scums and scrounge

2005-11-12T22:46:00.000+08:00

What I find so scumful about some peoples are their ability to accept responsibility in a very spectacular fashion only to later, pass the buck to... me.

As an example:

AA :Hey, need your help on fixing the microwave. Mind helping me out?

Ngiam: I can't. I'm terribly tired. Don't think I'm up to it at the end of the day.

Scum: Hey, no problem. I can help you with it! After all, we're friends. yadda yadda (and everything else on how friends should be in times of need)

At the end of the day,

Scum: Eh, sorry mate. Can't help you. Me myself is overloaded with stuffs to do too. And I'll be tired after the completion of the said stuffs.

AA: Then I how?

*stares at Ngiam*

Ngiam: *mutters under breath* You piece of useless pile of shit.

Yeah, thanks to all the people out there who can't figure out their own abilities and like to play the part as if they are some kind of hero saving some damsel in distress, only to absolve themselves of all the responsibility when the time comes and pass all the shit to the one who realistically knows his limit.

Scums and scrounge. They are more than shit in my life. If I have some time, I'll buy 1636. When I strike it rich, I'll get a huge waste water treatment plant to treat these shit that've been plaguing my life.

The Possessed

2005-11-12T21:04:00.000+08:00

I swear, it was as if a bulb just lighted up in my brain at the particular moment when I detected the fatal flaw. It's as if there's this inner part of me that I've never known of before. Suddenly I feel as if that someone else is controlling me. I tried to stop my fingers from moving, but... I even tried shouting for help, but I could only make a soft hoarse cry.

Every now and then, my left hand would swing in a uncontrollable clockwise manner, aiming for my nose. I put all my strength into controlling my left hand to prevent it from desecrating my nose hole and before I knew it, the typing stopped and I suddenly gain control of my whole bodily function. Whatever it type, it was even more eery as it very much sounds like... me.

Whatever the spirit have been trying to communicate to the world, I've pasted here. So that everyone can give me an insight on the very least, why would of all the person in the world, I was chosen to be the one to send this mind boggling message to the whole world.

The message that was left through me on someone's Friendster profile:

About Me:quirky cute ;).... I would like to think myself as an american bald vulture. I'm always flying on the sky on the lookout for rotting victims in which i'll swoop down and ravage em.
I have this deep ambition to be Malaysia's most popular pirated VCD seller. However due to certain constraints, I have not been able to fulfill my wishes. But to all my fans out there(if you really is out there, even only one of you, i hope you are gay cause i have a boyfriend already. nyek nyek) you should not be worried of not meeting me cause i've quit my work recently and bought a powerfully super duperly modified ah beng Van that is meant to outrace even the fastest custom's officers car. With this van, i can fulfill 2 of my ambition at once. In case you've never heard of such proverb, it is called killing two birdies with one stone. And yeah, back to the story, first of all, i can fulfill my wish to be the ultimate pirated VCD seller where I can travel in a short time to various destination in Johore. Secondly, I can act in my own self directed movie called, Initial Jess where my van will race across the length of Danga Bay being chased by a troupe of police car(that just can't chase up with my van). All the scenes will be film only ONCE and live at the filming location. I'm not allowed to tell you the scene after this but i can reliably divulge that there will be a scene where my van will ride the top of City Square roof ala "Batman Begins" and then to attempt a jump across Tebrau Straits into Singapore. Well, folks that is all on my upcoming trilogy of movies with the main theme of "I Love Ah Lian". Now if i could only obtain my driving license in time for my kickass van.

Who I Want to Meet:Personally, i've found forest monkeys interesting companions to communicate with. They have an interesting social life that involve blatant shouting and screaming, chest thumping, humping, and hair grooming. If you still can't get my drift, I will now directly point out that I find people who shout unintelligible words quite a turn on. Thumping your chest is a sign of masculinity. But of course when I say thumping, i really mean thumping that will generate great sound. Not the ah kua one's that sounds like the clash of your mothers frying pan. humping, enough said. Grooming is a very rousing action. In fact, I have my boyfriend grooming me two three times a week. It is surely an act that i will recommend for everyone to try with. (p.s., the hair that was taken off during grooming session is usually superglued onto my boyfriends backend. seeing is believing, pls help youselve)

Well, yeah. Most of you guessed right. It was me all along. With an unidentified accomplice to muddle the mud a bit.

The encounter

2005-11-08T20:31:00.000+08:00

This morning started out like every other morning that I've always encountered. There's a sun shining. So I started out like how I would approach every other working day. I drove. Never would I expect that my life will never be the same anymore after today's morning. Below, is the chronicles of the events that changed my life. And the morning golden sun shall never be the same for me anymore.

I was driving my car in a non-threatening way, oblivious to all the murderous road rage that is happening all around me when at a road coming into the main road which I was driving happily on, a green waja suddenly appeared and took a turn out from the smaller road. With it's whole body blocking one lane of the road, the driver turned it's(gender unable to be acertain) head and spotted..... me (in my white kancil) and promptly...... applied emergency brake and stopped.

That was the moment when I entered into the state of ke-'WTF'-kan and time around me slow 100,000 times. I took my time stepping out of my speeding car and walked to the green waja's driver window. The driver still have this smug face when I open the waja's door and politely asked;

" There's a freaking speeding car coming towards you just as you're coming out of a turn. And you stopped your shitty car in the middle of the road and...... just look back? You're more than an idiot aren't you?"

As the time was passing in nanoseconds for the driver, it gave a barely audible sound in reply and I promptly gave the driver a headbutt and a few quick blow with my car lock onto its groin(to ensure destruction of reproductive organ, prevents further breeding of idiots)

I suavely stepped back into my car and swerved into the other lane to avoid it. The frontblinded gAh Beng speeding behind my car immediately ram into the green waja and exploded in flames, vaporising both idiots in an instant. Ahh, talking about killing two birds with one stone.

And I drove satisfyingly to work and live happily ever after.

The End.

Pangkor I Shall Return

2005-11-06T19:18:00.000+08:00

It was a bright shiny day and we were confident of making Pangkor our conquest. Our invasion plan was easy. Take a kayak, peddle over there, stick a flag with Emperor Ngiam's face on it and declare it the conquest.

But alas, strong wave pushed us back. For those who are interested in our failed pursuit, I've managed to find this picture off Google Earth which presented the aerial view of Pangkor Island off the coast of Teluk Batik. The circle marks the Pangkor Island. The arrow shows where we started and ended. God damn far away from Teluk Batik.

For those who are interested to join me for my next expedition to Pangkor Island please send an email to the address below and I'll reply promptly.

ibelongtothementalasylum@gmail.com

Google Earth. You really believe it?!? That Pangkor really look like that?!?

If you answer a "yes" to any of the above question, please send your name and details to the email below. Great fame and reward awaits you.

ngiamslistofdumbpeopletobeignored@gmail.com

If your answer is a "no" to both question, I'm disappointed to announce that you didn't strike any jackpot in any kind. You are given permission though to guess how the picture came about with no winning prize for the first or second or subsequent winner.

Obituary

2005-10-26T21:53:00.000+08:00

I was showering happily when I heard the news. Suddenly the whole world around me seems much more gloomier. That urge to happily dig my nose shit suddenly evaporate. And I realise how significant this news is to my life. How everything will never be the same again. To further amplify the magnitude of the situation, I'll quote an oldie song that I used to listen:

"Why does the bird keep on singing?
When the sun doesn't shine."

Tomorrow, one of Malaysia's most endeared citizen will depart the country.

A person so rugged that it'll take more than a bulldozer to crush him literally. The one and the only known person in this world to have obtained Emperor Ngiam's sacred leg hair and lick it (and frame it beside his convocation picture... don't think I don't know). Yet, he's a romancer that when he lick his finger and comb his hair (on his head), all girls will fall head over heels for him. Yupz, he's almost the complete person. The perfect one.

And he's flying off to greener pasture. To Hong Kong, for more adventure. For even more girls. And even even more fling. Imagine yourselve a cow, and all over you, surrounding you, tasty green grass for your consumption. That is what Hong Kong will be like for him.

My dear friend. I hope that you'll be surrounded by girls in Hong Kong and loving it. Or else, I truly hope that you rest in peace. Amen

Now everyone, let's alltogether share a moment of silence for the departed.

R.I.P.
Malaysian Citizen
1981 - Oct 2005

I've Identify the Position!!!

2005-10-24T20:29:00.000+08:00

At 6.04pm yesterday, I received a report of a missing person. And since I was endowed with the power of being able to detect missing person by dream, I decided to sleep immediately on my dinner table with the biscuit half eaten in my mouth.

But being a superb human being I am, with my super power dream processor, I was able to identify to position of the missing person to a degree of plus minus 1 metre.

The position of the missing red slippery girl is right underneath the table of its owner. Literally. With a variable of 1 metre as mentioned. Check it. And you shall believe in the dream power of Emperor Ngiam.

WJA SS92

2005-10-19T22:16:00.000+08:00

I always have this hate for drivers with this "Namo Amitabha" sticker at the back of their car. It's as if that with the sticker stuck on their car, it gives them drive in a dangerous manner on the road as it is suppose to offer em some kind of invisibility protection. Yeah, I've blogged this before. Somewhere in my archive. And no, I'm too lazy to link it. Search it out yourselve.

True to the spirit of cars with "Namo Amitabha" stickers, right before my very eyes, the owner of a Waja with such sticker decided to show that his way of life according to a certain faith is to blatantly litter the road with tissues (not one piece, a few. and no, i don't know why he threw em out) and then continues talking nonchalantly to his children in his car.

Littering. In from of your children. Well, yeah a perfect parenting example. Teach your children to litter everywhere eh? Well, for your sake, I hope that your children really take up this littering habit from you. One of these days, they'll pop some estacy into their mouth and throw the accompanying plastic onto the roadside besides Ming Tien food court. And you, yes you the owner of the car mentioned!! stepping off your wonderful silvery Waja which you have just double parked at the area, will step onto that slippery plastic bag. And you will fortunately fall onto the curb hitting the part where a VCD ah beng managed to achieved self gratification the previous night. With that well aimed fall, you shall contract syphilis. After that you shall live happily ever after for 25 years before you die and wonderful natural death.

After that you shall be reborn as a tortoise. And on your 2 tortoise year, you are hauled off from sungai penchala and made into the tasty tortoise soup sold somewhere in SS2.

And yes, Namo Amitabha to you too.

Note: Please read this entry properly. No insults are meant to any religion here. Only a rant onto some imbecile who thought that he's going to achieve some kind of pure living condition or something. And yeah, if you ever see the mentioned car, spare a thought for the general public, ram your vehicle (preferbly something huge) onto this car and spare everyone the misery.

Pendrives

2005-10-17T23:15:00.000+08:00

Guess what were we talking about tonight?

"it's like trying to connect a pendrive with another pendrive."

Seasonal Reminders

2005-10-16T23:36:00.000+08:00

I was to start my weekend with my theurapatic excursion. Fish collection.

I was still in bed when I received the news. Part of me was already lashing out onto that invisible enemy. How could this be? I got it all planned out carefully. All will be naught. But deep inside I knew what was the right thing to be done. I had to cancel whatever plans that I had made for the weekend. And also tentatively, till the next weekend.

Going to such a place on such days serves a really telling reminder. So strong even at such an old age. One mishape. And it totally wreck you to the point that you have troublet recognizing peoples.

Seeing so much suffering. Groans. Pains. Writhing so much in pain unconciously that you had to be bound for your own good. Concious but unable to do a thing or to even speak, only able to stare. Only God knows what you'll feel when you go through these.

It brings your mind to the thought of death. old-age. pain. frailness. That maybe living that long is not such a good thing after all. That a shorter life span might be a blessing in disguise that we'll never live to fully appreciate it.

I guess there's reason for all these. In a place where life and death coexist. On the day where it was to be a celebration. When one lets it's guard down. On thoughts and wants. A reminder. Again. To play it to the full. To live, cherish and appreciate.

Ngiamville Glorifies the UNO

2005-10-16T01:50:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time, deep in the jungles of Ngiamville, a group of remarkable scientists were gathered in the deep dungeons of its' capital. An experiment of such great significance that it'll probably ride the world of all its evil. You know, the normal stuffs that leaders of all the countries are always ranting about? famine, global warming, overpaid football players, etc.

It was a project on genetics. Meant to produce the world's most ultimate killing machine. Various cold blooded murderer at that time was breed and cross-breed many times to yield a person with the most evil genetic ever. It was a project that will take centuries and thousands of generation to succeed. And finally, the project reached its' pinacle. The ultimate. The one that will be the evil of all evilness. The UNO of all.

And finally when it was old enough, UNO was sent to an organisation to practice its' super evil skill. It was during one of those days that was deemed special to someone, that it call up for duty. It was a simple kidnapping mission. Dunkin to film the move(to extort money?).Doraemon would drive the heist car. Brain was to draw female victim(to be named as Yellow to protect the innocent's identity) out. Lantern will grab the victim from the back. Pinky will make victim fall. UNO is to help Pinky grab victim's leg. Nothing have ever been so well planned. Easy. A B C.

It was a smooth sailing mission initially. Initiate blackout. Anore who was with Yellow comes out to investigate. Calls out for help. Victim comes out. Pinky squatting behind. Grab leg. Victim fall. Lantern handle victims top part. What transpire after this, will become part that will legendize the UNO.

With Handsome having a hard time grappling the victim's leg, the UNO coming out from the corner immediately get down to his task and starts to grab..... Handsome's leg. For a full 30 seconds, Handsome and the UNO struggle until the UNO finally realised that :

1. the leg was hairy. Much more hair than a female leg is suppose to have.
2. the leg was much more bigger. Bigger than the legs that he usually spied on Yellow.
3. the leg was kicking real hard. Unlike the little small mousy like kick that he expected to receive.

It was then that it dawn onto the UNO that the legs that he have been having a good time with initially, belongs to a:

1. guy

And proceed to subdue Yellow's leg. But the damage's been done. The scientist from Ngiamville found out about this huge genetic glitch inside the UNO(it seems like the UNO is unable to discern between a guy and a girl's leg). It was then promptly recalled back to its base where it was then sterillised and set loose into the jungle(as a gesture of mercy). The devious genetic project was then declared a failure and was shutdown. Never to be heard of anymore.

Fulfilling would be demand for the picture of the UNO. Previous filepic of the UNO, below:

Look closely at the photo. Notice how the UNO is greatly different than the rest of the people taking photo? Look closely at his eyeballs, you'll notice that while everyone is staring happily at the camera, the UNO stares happily away from the camera.

Note: Names of various party have been changed to protect their identity and to prevent other various non-related peoples from mobbing them for details regarding the UNO. The author would like to emphasize that the people shown in photo together with the UNO have no knowledge of what ever double life that the UNO might lead. They are to be treated as just innocent bystanders.

50th Post (Belated) Annivesary Award!!!!(Editted Again)

2005-10-11T21:24:00.000+08:00

In order to celebrate my blog's belated 50 post day,(it's around 70 now), I would like to present awards to celebrities who have done a great deal of kindness to my life and have further enliven it with their wonderful soul. You, my friend, is truly someone that should be made as an example to all, as you set the benchmark way above everyone else. You are truly, a friend beyond needs.

Hereby, Emperor Ngiam would like to present the award of the world's most loathed scum to....

Please note that part of the picture have been manipulated in order to protect the innocence of the said scum.

Yeps, you CiCaK (name have been changed, again to protect the identity of the said person) have the honour of being the first receiptant of Emperor Ngiam's first outgoing award. Being the first receiptant means that you are sitting number one at the throne of the scrounge in the world of Emperor Ngiam. And this is truly a feat to be behold. May the future scum of the universe desecrate your grave in the search to be the top scrounge of the universe.

Curious as a horny cat, you may ask... What have CiCaK done wrong? How can such person with a squint looking queer eye be such a threat to the well being of everyone's well being? And of all the person, how can such thin looking person be the winner of this category? Surely, an evil scum looking scrounge of the universe would look more handsome? Devious? Or the very least macho?

Ohhhh...... Macho is a word that is synonymous with the name ******. This person spend so much time pretending to be macho trying to get a girlfriend that he managed to accumulate a world record amount of phone bill expenses for a person who failed in a bid to get a girlfriend. Yeps, hundreds of ringgit. For pretending Arnold Somethinghardtospell. At the time when he owes his housemate cash ranging from hundreds to thousands(CSH). Yupz, for someone who goes around asking for help to pay for his house rental, water bills, electricity etc. he have the audacity to go onto a totally useless shit up project called FAILURE.

And then he did a thing more bolder that if I were to ever meet him, I'll pin a medal of valor onto his chest. Literally. He bolted. Yepz. From the house. And hid somewhere in his homeland called *******. And left us with the responsibility of paying up for his goddamn freaking FAILURE. Zoom. Just like that. Only a 15 minutes phone call initially to inform us that he'll never come back. And after that, no trace at all. It's as if he's playing the role of Scully in X-files where she disappeared for a few episode and came back pregnant.

Damn you little piece of useless shit. There's nothing more satisfying in the future than to see you getting pregnant with a bastard child!!!!!

Btw, there's a background to this sudden award. I was trawling my hi5.com list when I clicked onto "Lee" (June) and saw the scum's face staring back at mine(The question of why CiCaK is in June's friend's list will forever remain unanswerable). And suddenly it's all coming back to me. The con. The haunted look. The scrounge. And if you would like to have a look at his profile closely...at his journal, you would notice that he's running some kind of dodgy cash making parachute. (trying to rip off more ppl?)(for those without Hi5, just sign up for the sake of reading his journal)

CiCaK

Yeps. For a person professing to be in financial problem, he does have the gall to go around promoting his kaya dream. Well, I not only hope for that you get pregnant with a bastard child, I hope you get impregnant by a cow.

That's all for the award. I hope you're satisfy with this award.

On another matter. To be on a serious note. Every stick that goes to CiCaK's way for the way he handle his friends, (eloping from home without paying for his FAILURE phone bill and owing thousands in house rental) is a stick that is deserved to be shoved straight into his ass. CiCaK, if you are reading this and you feel that you're never in the wrong, try asking the rest of the people here. You could have came out in an honorable way, by the very least giving every party a call to let them know that this matter is always in your mind and you don't mean to elope with the money. But you didn't do it. Therefore you failed as our friend and even as a person with conscience.

Edit: As of now(24 hours later), the offending scumbag CiCaK is still a great friend of "Lee" in the hi5.com list.

Edit 2: In order to enable an easy search of CK Chen by anyone in the future, I've decided to insert important keywords here:

CK Chen
Chen CK
Chee Kui
Chen Chee Kui
I, Chen Chee Kui, is very handsome and macho
Duh Kui
Water tortoise CK
Ck Chen and his RM300 phone bills
Ck Chen and Sheng Horng
Ck Chen and Sheng Horng gets horny

Well there, i hope that whoever who searched using these few words, find whatever they are searching for, here.

I thought

2005-10-11T21:17:00.000+08:00

I thought that cycling halfway across Malaysia can make any wimp into a man. Boy, am I wrong. Checking stock in a warehouse using a safety shoe, it seems, strains your leg'ss muscle faster than your can shout "Hail Ngiam".

Noticed?

2005-10-06T21:52:00.000+08:00

Tenderly she stirred it.
Afraid of it being overdone.
She move that knob.
Just a little.
To the left.
Then to the right.
Must be right.

Just salty enough for him.
Not that hard for her.
Warm enough not to burn their tongue.

When they forget.
She packed. Not just enough. But more.
All her love. Every inch of her heart.
In there.
That plastic container.

Will it be enough she wondered?
And she put in an extra piece of meat. Just in case.

And yes, little lil loves green vege.
Another piece of vege.
Make sure. Something everyone likes.
Cause it is how she have always been.
There.

Loaded.Packed. And sent.

Alone it sat.

1 night.

2 night.

3 night.

Until someone notice that bland dull looking fried mee by the corner.

And throw it away.

I AM, AFTER ALL, YOUR EMPEROR

2005-10-06T21:30:00.000+08:00

2006 : Pedestrian Act 1a. Emperor Ngiam legalized the running over of mindless pedestrian providing that vehicle is traveling at 30km/h on a proper road and predestrian is walking/slugging nonchalantly in the middle of the road.

2007 : Loopholes in the act where drivers driving at a speed of more than 30km/h were found running over pedestrian in an indiscrimative way. Nationwide protest with nearly 100,000 citizens at the gates of the palace.

End of 2007 : Castration of protesters. No further protest.

2009 : Camera Act. It was made compulsory for all cars to install live camera at the front to prevent the abuse of Pedestrian Act 1a.

2011 : Enactment of Pedestrian Act 1c. Drivers are allowed to run over mindless pedestrian 3 times over if they are found to be still alive after initial collision.

2020 : Numbers of citizens in Ngiamville was found to be decreasing.

2030 : Number of citizens in Ngiamville stabilized and starts to increased.

2050 : Average IQ of Ngiamville citizens was found to be unbelieveably higher than the norm.

2051 : Research done by world reknown scientist attributed the Pedestrian Act as the cause of the high average IQ phenomenon .

2052 : Emperor Ngiam was hailed and worshipped as GOD for his far reaching vision for forever eradicating the scrounge of the gene pool called dumb.

Apprehension

2005-10-03T00:03:00.000+08:00

Apprehensive?

I guess it's a normal thing that everyone feels moments before they try something new right? A little of this unsure feeling of whether everything will be allright or whether it'll bomb right out in the front of your face. Especially with the laspe along the way, it merits such attention.

Just like the day before I cycled Jeli to Grik.

Just like the day before my flight to Omsk.

Just like the day before I pop the question.

Just like the day before I got myself admitted into the university.

Just like the day before my first performance.

I guess everything will be allright when it's the day after, right?

Malaysia Cup: Selangor WON!!!

2005-10-02T02:03:00.000+08:00

I'm not sure, but it seems that I derived great pleasure whenever I see a scene of possible destruction.

A great example was when I was watching the Malaysia Cup. At the 70th minute, when there's a sudden influx of action where the players of both team nearly came to a brawl, I was laughing with glee.

Nearly the end when the camera was showing a great swath of bottles on the track(that was thrown onto it beforehand), I actually laughed my heart out.

Was it me? Or was it the Malaysia Cup?!?

Battle

2005-10-02T01:58:00.000+08:00

It seems like a current "in" thing to be all mushy with my peers. Therefore I've decided to join in the competition with my own song.

Goddamnit! It's not easy listening to the same ol chinese song repeatedly. But I've got it done at last. I'm feeling generous today, anyone able to identify the chinese song which I based this lyric on will get a free Starbuck coffee from me. Knowing me, how high do you think your chances are?!?

Title : Tiada Nama, Ku Malas Nak Fikir

Menjelang subuh,

Ku masih terpesona olehnya,

Namun apa yang masih terlintas,

Ku sayu.

Gerimis petang,

Wajahmu ku kan tetap menatap,

Bagaikan cahaya,

Yang menghilangkan gelapku,

Apa yang termungkinkan,

Namun hanyalah pasti tidak,

Ohh, apakah,

Jiwaku sayu.

Biarkan semuanya,

Oh, derita di hati ini,

Bila kufikirkanmu,

Hatiku pilu.

Menjelang Senja,

Ku masih termenungkan wajahmu,

Ku ingin, ku masih menunggu, dengan harapan.

Erti tersirat.

Aku pendam, aku menggenggamkan,

Biarlah keabadiannya dalam jiwaku.

Apa yang termungkinkan,

Namun hanyalah pasti tidak,

Ohh, apakah,

Jiwaku sayu.

Biarkan semuanya,

Oh, derita di hati ini,

Bila kufikirkanmu,

Hatiku pilu.

THE LRT SOLUTION

2005-09-30T21:38:00.000+08:00

Frigging boring. Thus, the death threatening thoughts that i had in the afternoon will be spew out. Now.

Ever take a LRT before? The LRT that runs right underneath KLCC? Yeps. That LRT.

Ever notice how everyone rush in whenever the door open, even before you get your small little innocent feat out of the train?

Now, wait a freaking minute here. Let's talk chemical engineering. No, let's talk in an even simpler way, let's talk common sense. The layman term, I'll explain this thought provoking truth to all the stupid idiotic public who seems to be populating the space that I want to go.

Imagine yourself a useless dot of water. Imagine yourselve being poured into a pail. Imagine pail as the everyday LRT that you take. Imagine the pail being filled to the brim with every other water(people, if u still can't get it) out there. Now don't imagine. Work this out in your brain. Try pouring more water into that water filled pail.

Now anyone who says that he/she can literally pour more water into a pail filled to the brim with water, please, go to your nearest kitchen, take that small little fruit knife and stab yourselve. Repeatedly. Cause it'll take more than one stab to stuff the life out of an idiot like you.

So, what? How do you put those water into the pail then? Easy. Pour out the water inside the pail. Then you can add in more water.

What's the moral of the story then? Every idiot under the sun should know by now. If you still can't get the moral of the story please proceed with action according to the words highlighted in BLOOD RED.

Now ever wonder why are there yellow box just nicely outside the train's entrance/exit whenever the train stops? Or the posters right directly above your head, telling which is the right and wrong way? Then why does every idiot in KLCC station stills crowd around the exit whenever the train stops? God, you are all pieces of shit in my life.

Now back to the story here. I'm not here to whine around. I'm better than those shits who only knows how to complain. I'll suggest a solution. THE SOLUTION.

The yellow box. It is meant to be there. To tell the well mannered citizen of Malaysia to NOT to stand on it so that to facilitate the proper exit of departing passengers from the train.

My verdit: Good idea. In fact, the best idea ever to be implemented in the train system. They saw a problem and they solve it. Voila! People understand the intention(don't pretend now!), only that they never have the intention to follow it.

My solution:
The problem is always something to do with the yellow box. Therefore, i shall suggest the extensive modification of the yellow box.

Let's make it weight sensitive. Install a weight sensor on it. Anyone over 30kg shall trigger the sensor. Anyone under 30kg will most likely be a primary school kid and will be run over by the maddening exit crowd.

Let's install a sound system. Any type that is high quality in nature.

Weight sensor + Sound system = gAh beng dance machine that we find in the arcade in shopping malls?!?

NO!! It will work this way. Now jolt your brain a little. We're going onto an imagination ride now. Imagine. One middle age working man, nonchalantly step onto the yellow box, in order to choke up the exit and to be the first into the train to get the seat and deprive the poor elderly peoples of their seats. His weight triggers the weight sensor and which connect the circuit and activates the hidden sound system which will blare;

*Warning, vulgar words coming in the next few lines. Please plug your ears if you are easily offended by vulgarities and continue reading the next few lines.*

Cilaka, Pukimak Mak engkau macam Lembu Gemuk!
Ma chau Hai, Lei Lou Tau Lou Mou Ham Kar Chan!
Die you little piece of useless Bastard! I curse you a Fuckless Life!!

In order to potray the multiracialness of Malaysia, I'll add in Tamil curse word if anyone can provide me with one. But for now;
*Tamil cursed word*

This normally will elicit a response in which every normal person will jump up and away from the box and thus, emptying it for the departing passengers. For the more extreme case, where people continue standing on it in spite of the warnings(I foresee gAh Bengs to be the worst offenders as these words are part of their daily spoken language), a high voltage line should be installed underneath the yellow box.

An over triggering of the weight sensor for a duration of over 15 seconds will unleash the high voltage line which will totally fry the person black. The person will be left there as a grisly reminder of not adhering to the LRT regulations.

And what happens to the departing passenger?! How will they be able to depart the train without triggering the death sensor?!? Easy, just jump. It'll do everyone a world of good. And LRT can now proudly proclaim themselves as the leading forerunners promoting a world of healthy living.

Much more

2005-09-24T02:06:00.000+08:00

There's so much that was discussed today. So many thoughts in so many matters.

One of em is how some pretentious goody shoe people go around taking advantage of other people. Squeezing em dry. Telling others how much they need these people at the same time dangling pieces of shit right in front of those needed people.

Two is the awe of how some of us can be so untiringly patient with these shit dangles. If you give me my way, they'll get a one way ticket down that drain that everyone still call Sungai Penchala.

Three is the addition and substraction in life. The probables. The pillars.

Fourth the trials and tribulation of a sudden new found happiness.

World of Ngiamville (Part 3)

2005-09-23T02:46:00.000+08:00

In the last episode:

The World of Ngiamville Part 2

And the laster episode:

The World of Ngiamville Part 1

Now, we've talked about the spices, about the lemon grass, the flies in your everyday tom yam soup. What's missing then, you might ask. Give a guess or two then...

Really? Still can think it out? Allright, another minute then.

Oh heavens, it should have crossed your mind by now...Hell, it's so obvious that you should have exlaim by now...."Where the heck is that big old daddy of the prawn that is suppose to rule that bloody bowl of tom yam?!?!?"

Well, ladies and gentlemen, the main purpose of this final part of this trilogy of World of Ngiamville, is not to talk about prawns but about essentially the main lifeline of Ngiamville. The ones that have been the heart and liver of Ngiamville.

Today we would like to talk about the main profession of Ngiamville. The one and only occupation in Ngiamville which all its children strives for.

SmeanGay.

Yeps. Not any ordinary streaker that you might find running around loose happily at your local Petronas station. A special one. Heck, even the word special is an understatement.

SmeanGay in Ngiamville is a breed of specially trained human in the art of specialised extermination. Yes! They are accomplished in the art of subtle killing or explosive Hollywood matrix like assassination.

Unusually specially talented children are selected at the tender age of 13 to be trained to be a SmeanGay by the age of 20. To select the best possible candidate, a totally ardous selection process is implemented where children at the age of 13 are required to lick the tip of their elbow. Those who show extraordinary ability of licking their elbow 142 times in a row are then accepted to be the SmeanGay apprentice.

The SmeanGay are then thought in the highly mysterious art of killing by being trained in the unordinary skills of fishing. Now, a lot of question have been raised on the relationship between fishing and killing. But it does have a link. A link that is so obvious that everyone noticed it but never ever realised the lethality of it. After all, like what the elders of Ngiamville always likes to say"Always it is the obviousness that kills" (like the bus that you see obviously speeding towards you before you get crushed 5 times over)

Now the link. Attached here is the one and only picture ever taken of the reclusive SmeanGay.

SmeanGay with the sacred blue fish

Obvious now? You should be able to connect all the dots by now. And if you fail to link it, you shall be enlightened by the subsequent explaination.

The fish. Is the sacred weapon of the feared SmeanGay. Yeps, fish is the most feared and only weapon used by SmeanGay for its dirty assassination work. Usually a SmeanGay will approach its target from the side of bushes/trees/drains/cars/any cover that you can think of/ and after identifying its target, it'll jump onto the target with the sacred fish and whack him senseless/to death/dead/according to whichever assasination plan which was ordered.

Assasination plan of SmeanGay consists of 3 different types. 01yee is where the victim is only whacked senseless with the fish and presented to the subscriber for the ultimate honor. 01sam is where the victim is whack senseless and dispose off personally by SmeanGay. 01lok is where the victim is plummel repeatedly with multiple fishes in a machinegun manner to death.
Note that in all plan, sacred fish used in the operation will be presented to the plan subscriber as gift as part of SmeanGay's new policy to bring more added value to the plan.

While the assassination plan is simple, the fishes are not. SmeanGay have a holy ritual in which they have to perform different set of ceremony if they were to catch fishes of different color. It is obvious by now that a fish of blue color is the primary assassination weapon. A red fish entitles a SmeanGay to a 24.5 mile long cross Ngiamville country duck walk. Catching a green fish means that they just have to beat themselves senseless with the said fish. A pink fish means an easier task of eating up a calculator. The yellow fish is most feared as it requires them to serenade a local village girl in a girlish voice with a much modified song with a title of "Gay Is All Around".

Gay Is All Around is a much modified version of the song Love Is All Around. Author will try it's best to obtain the lyrics from the SmeanGays.

Much speculations have been made on the use of the mortar board that is word by the SmeanGay. But the authorities of Ngiamville can confirm that SmeanGay is a group of highly hygienic people which does not crap just about anywhere while operating in the jungle regions asinfection of germs might affect the fish plummelling performace of a SmeanGay. The mortar board functions as a auxiliary toilet bowl to prevent germs from jumping into the butt from the forest floor during crapping session.

As you might have observed by now, being a SmeanGay is never a gay business. It is indeed a tough and uncompromising SmeanGay world out there. But the harsh profession is never a drawback for aspiring 13 year olds of Ngiamville. Everyday, thousand of 13 year olds still like their elbows to enlist themselve into the elite rank of SmeanGay.

This is the final part of the trilogy of the World of Ngiamville. Any complaints regarding important historical items of Ngiamville should be channel to the Ngiamville Bureau of Complaints (NBC). All complaints of unhappiness/inaccuracy/of being left out will be given 5 second of consideration before being deleted. Thank you.

...

2005-09-14T04:51:00.000+08:00

It's lonely.
It shuns the daylight and scampers in the night.
For fear of eyes.
And comfort of quiet.
It questions the meaning.
What does it all mean to be him?

With it's bended back.
A wiltering eyesight.
With it's KFC plastic bag, it looks around.
For a meaning.
So surreal it is.
That sometimes.
All it wished was that it is borned an unfeel.

The World of Ngiamville (Part 2)

2005-09-09T18:17:00.000+08:00

During the last episode:

The World of Ngiamville Part 1

There's nothing more interesting bout a country other than the citizens that roams about in it.

If Ngiamville is a bow of Tom Yam, the citizens will be like the spices that gives the taste. Here, we'll talk about the lemongrass, the prawns, the squids that makes Ngiamville, and occasionally the little fly that became a nuisance while you're sampling on your favourite bow of Tom Yam.

We'll start with on of the important living heart beat of Ngiamville.

The legend that have been passed down for generations.

The legend. The one person. The reason why Ngiamville is prosperous. It was this one person that enable Ngiamville to have a huge enough human resource to develop its vast resources.

It was said that during the ancient days before the discovery of piglings uses as a wall for the fort, when the Acissej(another story) leisurely encroached into the domain of ancient Ngiamville to snatch newly born babies off the grasp of their mother for “reconstruction education”, a male baby of great stature was born to a mother giving birth and at the same time, fending off attacks from a hoard of rampaging Acissej. It was during the escape where the baby was accidentally "kissed" by the Acissej ultimate breath of dead Sunflower. This unpure kiss thus awaken the keenness of sight and the surefire quickness of its hand and most importantly, the ancient long lost memories of gynecology deep within the baby.

Thus, it was named Salogel.

Salogel

Salogel grew quick, quicker then the rest of its peers. Even faster its’ golden yellow hair grow. With the ancient knowledge of gynecology, it was able to deliver the baby safely. With its keen sight and swift movement, it always manage to capture the marauding Acissej with great ease. And with its unlimited amount of golden yellow hair, it always manage to tie and secure the Acissej.

The Acissej was always spare a certain death as it was a valuable export commodity at that time. It was exported to USA and sent on a rampage as a form of biological warfare onto Canada during the USA-Canada war where it was attributed as the main cause Canada having a population of below 100 right at this moment.

By Salogel teenage years, it has managed to secure the birth of thousand of babies and also the capture of thousand of Acissej. Indirectly it contributed to Ngiamville in the form of a rising population free of child death and huge amount of income(undivergeable) from the sale of Acissej. This created the now much vaunted prosperous country of Ngiamville.

Nowadays, this great legend still contributes to the economy of Ngiamville in the form of tourism industry. A race of people called the Kimownisthereallegolas, are a great impersonator of the legend. If you look closely, you'll notice many similarities between Salogel and Kimownisthereallegolas. The sharp eyes, the luscious mouth, the charming nose of a male pigeon, the half pointed ears of Kimownisthereallegolas share an uncanny resemblance with the Salogel. Only the golden hair is a fake.

One of the Kimownisthereallegolas

Kimownisthereallegolas are a race of very family oriented people who feed for their family by approaching tourist for a mug shot after which they charge a cheap token amount of USD 30. Tourists are encouraged to accept picture invitation as Kimownisthereallegolas have a huge family to feed for. Most of the time (actually all the time), snobbish tourist who reject the invitation are brought back to be fed to their family.

Now what exactly is Assisej?!?

Alien? Apple? Aeroplane? or an Anteater?

It is anything but these peaceful things. It was a creature born of the mountains, highly intelligent abeit twisted.

Thick greenish smoke billows off its nostril whenever it get aroused. Its eye, the shape of the abdomen of a cockroach. Its hairstyle, always of different design whenever spotted. It has this potent weapon which is the octopus hug. Visible with only two hands most of the time, six other hands will sprout out of its back once it manage to get a hug onto you. As these 8 handed hug provoke such a huge trauma that usually the receiptant drop dead through brain trauma, the race ofAssisej have been ban ever since the ancient times.

There was a time when it managed to infiltrate into Ngiamville, kidnapping any baby it could find with the intention of recontruction education in the numerous empty kindergardens set up in its' country(the name to vile to mention). Reconstruction education is a process where the babies are brainwashed into a group of overhappy person. They will become so happy that by their 20th birthday, most of them(actually, all of em) jumped off cliffs believing that they are somekind of a special bird which will soar into outer space.

However, Assisej have this weakness in which it is prone to standing still for 5 minutes(allowing you to run away after taking its picture) with its two fingers showing a sign of scissors(some scientist speculated that it was going to lick its nose dung that it dug using the very two finger as somekind of protection from the bright flashes) at its' eyebrow that whenever it encounters the bright flash of cameras. Therefore, wandering tourist with cameras are usually quite safe from the threat of Assisej.

In Ngiamville, the terror of ancient time still runs deeply within the heart of its population and the sign board showing the unwelcoming of Assisej can still be found throughout Ngiamville at a distance of every 2meters.

Signs depicting the much feared sight of the Assisej

The World of Ngiamville

2005-09-07T01:22:00.000+08:00

It crossed my mind suddenly that I'm an emperor of a country and no one seems to knows what exactly dwells inside it.

So much questions.

Well well well, we can't go on without the very least, a brief description of Ngiamville, the domain of Emperor Ngiam.

How? What? Where? Why? What?

So much questions, and yes!! Finally, we'll be answering you in this short mini-docu of Ngiamville

Therefore, presenting....

"The fail proof guide to Ngiamville" (due to cost cutting measures, you're required to hum your own version of Nat Geo music theme)

Now.... where do we begin?!?

Well, to give a sugary taste of what you can expect in this wonderful realm.

I present to you.... the official mascot of Ngiamville. This holy creature is generally worshipped in most of the region of Ngiamville(The other region that worship the loudspeaker in gAh Beng kancil cars was wipe out in the great kancil purge by Emperor Ngiam.... but of course, another story, another time)

1. Juno the holy creature of Ngiamville (presently)

Juno hunting for crabs in the wild.

Anyway, back to the story again, due to the holy nature of this creature, it had been a custom of the people of this country to show their respect by welding a specially imported crown onto the head of this creature. This crown thus elevate the position of this creature onto the highest level among all animals in this kingdom. It is also a method to identify stray endangered lookalikes intruding from the neighboring country as..... you can guess it!!! they don't wear the crown.

The stray creatures are usually capture following the standard set by National Geographic for the capture of endangered animals. The capture is usually followed by a feast for the emperor as the flesh of endangered animals are getting scarce, therefore more valuable.

As the numbers of this holy creature have been dwindling, a great feast have been planned by emperor ngiam for the slaughtering of the final last holy creature. Subsequently, a new holy mascot will be chosen among other animals (and yeah, we'll weld the crown in too).

But back to the habit of this creature, it is known to be noctural and tend to hunt singularly for the famous crabs of Ngiamhell. The method is well known, where it'll simply just walk around until it feel something been smash under its hoof. After that, with the half smash shell of the crab, it'll use its horn to plummel it into small little pieces which will be consume after the creature has done running a circle of 5 laps around the carcass.

2. Cheecrabai

Now, calling this famous crab famous is an understatement. It is well known as the infamous crab all around the world. The crab connoisseur call it the Cheecrabai (the letter "cra" must be ommited when it is being read).

Cheecrabai can crap with its mouth closed!

Why is it infamous? Was because of the special ritual done be the holy creature?(running 5 laps around its dead body) Or can it spells A-Z?

Ohhh..... it can do more than that. It can speak. More specifically, it can only speak in vulgar language. It breeds so fast (500 eggs per day) that its everywhere in this country and tourist are greatly encourage to take this little cute crustacean back to their home country.

"The Emperor Ngiam personally guarantee that this crab will increase the vocabulary of the children of your household by a factor of 100 within the period of 3 days, failing, the emperor will personally air courier to you the holy creature of Ngiamhell together with the crown weld on its' head FREE OF CHARGE!!"

As a matter of a fact, the ability of this crab was so well known that it was sent to loudspeaker of kancil car worshiping region where the unrelenting curses by the crab drive the gAh Beng out of the land. (the great purge)

Other than that, the cursing crab is a vital cog in the well being of the country. Nope, it has nothing to do with the economy, but it has something to do with the endless crap generated by the crab. If you haven't manage to guess it(IQ too low?), it is the main source of electricity generation in the Ngiamville. Huge amount of these cursing crab were trap and kept in a huge pot where the eternal cursing by the crabs generated so much sound wave that it spins the turbine which in turn generate electricity for Ngiamville. The ability of Ngiamville to generate such volume electricity without any visible sources was so baffling that the United States of America bombed one of the pots thinking that it was a nuclear plant generating uranium.( This matter, the Crab Attack, was resolved when USA agreed to purchase 342 million of crap talking crab as a mean of compensation)

It was well known that a large number of chattering crab drove out the gAh Beng in the Great Purge. But how was it possible that the citizens of the holy creature region stand such ruckus?

The answer lies in this:

3. Caterpilying

The caterpilying is one of the most essential creatures in the country of Emperor Ngiam. It is the creature that keep the population of the country sane throughout the sounds generated by the crappy crab. Usually this useful caterpilying is used in pairs. Using in single dose might not give the wanted effect.

Caterpilying in a much more wholesome form

Now you would wonder. How?

It's simple. You just pick a pair of it(not one... remember!). Pull out the two antennas. After that, simply push the whole caterpilying into your ear. As simple as that.

The highly sensitive fur of this caterpilying will absorb most of the sound which will in the end causes the noise to be heard as a mere whisper. This in turn means that the citizens of Ngiamhell have to shout to each other's ear to be heard properly. But the added value of this is that everyone learns how to shout louder. In the case of an outright extinction of the Cheecrabai, the citizens of Ngiamhell will be drafted into the pot to generate electricity.

By the way, there is still no known method of removing the effect once you used it. However, the world reknown scientist of Ngiamhell is already working on it. In the meantime, you can enjoy the benefits mentioned above.

What does this caterpilying eats? simple. As the picture has suggested, it consumes leaves. But what eat this caterpilying is a question that will reveal much of the ecosystem of Ngiamhell. Like every ecosystem around the world. There's always the top predator. The top of the pyramid creatures. The creature that rule the rest of em. Sadly speaking, due to ecosystem restructuring, this special creature have been kicked down a rung or two in the pyramid food chain.

4. Joshgle

Joshgle, once the animal that rule the rest of them. Top predator... once. It was affected by the chattering of the crappy crabs that instead of hunting for rhinos, wild boars, and any other huge fleshy mamalia that is yet to be mentioned, it spend it's days feeding on caterpilying. Being an intelligent creature, it knew that by observing humans, caterpilying is the only one tool that can prevent crapping madness. However, due to it's limited intelligence, it was unable to find it's own earhole to stuff in the caterpilying.

Joshgle in its much more happier times

It is already an highly endangered creature in the country, with a population of around 39 and environmentalist have already prepared to implement programme to save the creature. Emperor Ngiam, being the kind natured ruler he is, has decreed that instead of using the programme, extermination of the creature will be carried out so that the issue of it being endangered will never come into play anymore as it will not be any of it left to be declared endangered.

It is already an highly endangered creature in the country, with a population of around 39 and environmentalist have already prepared to implement programme to save the creature. Emperor Ngiam, being the kind natured ruler he is, has decreed that extermination of the creature will be carried out in order to end the issue of it being endangered once and for all.

5. Cranenanewoon

Another creature worthy of mention in the country is a special avianary friend of us. The Cranenanewoon (there's no proper way of pronouncing it other that yelling it out aloud in a gay manner)

Cranenanewoon hunting for river slugs

An interesting characteristic of this creature is that it is able to emit a very sweet smelling fart whenever it get aroused by the sight of a passing wild boar. No particular reason can be found for this behaviour, but a recent speculation suggested that it get a sexual pleasure out of the sight of the wild boar's tusk.

Anyway, the fart was known to be able to rocket the crane to an amazing speed in mere seconds. The fart is valuable that as recent as a year ago, a French company devised an ingenious way to harvest the expulsion. The fart have since became a best selling perfume in the European market. More plans have been thought out to further exploit this valuable fart. Just as recent as a month ago, a famous soft drink manufacturer have signed a deal in which the special fart will be used as a substitute for carbon dioxide(used to create bubbles in the drink).

Any visitors wishing to capture might as well thread with a word of caution as the bird was known to have a morbid facination with the steering wheels of any vehicles. It is a common knowledge that 95% of the accidents that occurred in the country is due to vehicle hijacking by these unlicensed birdy driver.

6. Piglings

Now, if you see any pig like creature running around welcoming you to the country and inquiring for your destination, do not be alarm. Piglings are a breed of domesticated pigs trained in the fine art of taxiing.

Pigling is a great beast of burden

As non-citizens are not allowed to drive motorized vehicles in the country, this pigling have been specially trained for the task of carrying visitors around the interesting place of the country. Worry not, as these piglings have been known to be sturdy creature. Make yourselve comfortable when you board the pigling. In the event of emergency(like accident or the pigling running amok), do not be afraid, just insert two of your fingers into its snout for 3 minutes and it'll then pass out. You may alight after that.

In a not so peaceful time, the piglings was stacked up in huge numbers(in an orderly manner of course) to build fort to repel armed and dangerous intruders from neighboring countries.

These creatures have been trained for century and they are indeed well aware of any nook that you might want to

Well, that mark the end of The World of Ngiamville Part 1. Do not fret over the second part as it will be publish in a very near future. In the meantime, have a very nice chomp of caterpilying and spray yourselve with Cranenanewoon's fart.

Routine, oh routine!

2005-09-02T00:35:00.000+08:00

Slow lazy day, typical of a human slowly morphing into a seaslug, and strangely I typed out something that I myself don't seems to understand.

It means something only when we decided that it should have a meaning. Otherwise, it's just a meaningless nothing.