2006 Dog Zodiac
Ladies and gentleman,
Nowadays, it seems as if everyone is able to perform some sort of zodiac interpretation. Therefore, being a very friendly and thoughtful I am, I've decided to join the zodiac craze and spread some helpful tips for everyone by sitting outside my house one starry night and study the stars.
Rooster
The year for rooster:
It'll do you a world of good to pay more attention to your well being as it is link tightly to your survivor this year. It is highly likely you and your whole family will get massacred and thrown into a mass grave if you don't take care of your health. Therefore, mix less with other individual of your family that might have just migrated from a faraway place.
Essential item:
A filtering mask. Wear it 24 hours a day to prevent infection of bird flu.
Auspicious habit:
Whenever you see a black crow, flap your hands and start to sing and dance the tune of Yatta! to encourage more wealth in your life.
Most compatible mate:
Your greatest enemy will become your best mate. By mating with a snake, your children will have the great characteristic of being able to live on land, water, trees, dark attics, etc. This will enable you all to escape the great bird flu purge.
Tiger
The year for the tiger:
My dear friend. It seems that your luck might not be able to hold out for the coming few years. I predict that there'll be great destruction around your housing areas. It'll mostly involve trees and fire. Other than that, take very good care of your genitals as people might just come to your housing area to skin you and grab your balls!!
Essential Item:
Car license. You will need more than your leg to escape these coming holocaust.
Auspicious habit:
Every morning, when you're brushing your teeth, use your biggest kitchen knife to sharpen your teeth. You might need it sooner than you thought.
Most compatible mate:
It's a battle of survivor for you from now on. It will be wise to breed with a dragon. This will give your future generation an ability to spew fire in self defence. Highly useful when you meet your adversary who will be holding a weapon far more superior than your bare hands.
Ox
The year for the Ox:
Due to some unstable stars on a galaxy that is 1.2412 billion light years away from the Milky Way that is influencing the events around the other animals in this zodiac, your luck for this year, will be bad. Yeps. No joke. This year, rooster will suffer a great purge. Therefore, you will become the centre of everyone's attention.... as their one of the two main viable safe food source.
Essential Item:
Diet pills. Consume to prevent yourself from being an attention grabber for this year. Your luck for this year is not good.
Auspicious habit:
Make sure that you wake up at 5 am every morning to shout. Make sure you sound as if you're a rooster. Flap your wings more often. Try to groom your facial/body hair into lookalike feathers. You might just be able to safe yourself.
Compatible mate:
Rat. Your only best alternative. Your mating effort will result in a much more smaller Ox which will enable you to run and hide in small drain holes. Your horns will protect you from cats.
Rabbit
The year for rabbit:
You will be held captive this year in a shopping complex. You'll be stripped of your dignity and will be paraded around to be groped by various people. You will also find that there'll be a lot of people staring at you and mouthing the word "cute" repeatedly from outside your cage. Try perfoming some stunts to applease to tormentor to buy freedom. Hint: They love the sadistic killing between two rabbits.
Essential Item:
Hammer. It'll buy you your freedom in a every entertaining sadistic manner.
Auspicious habit:
Practice jumping high and swinging your hands in a downward smashing like manner. It'll help you greatly.
Compatible mate:
Spreading some love to a goat will give you a much more bigger size and a horn to boot. Essentially useful to prevent groping and will no need to sadistic smash your way to freedom anymore.
Pig
The year for pig:
Planet Mars is still as red as it is the previous 23,938,453 years before. Therefore, your life will be a dead constant. Like every other year before this, your luck for this year is bleak. You'll encounter no change from the routine that you have been going through the past few years. (eat, sleep, shit, eat, sleep, shit) The only exciting thing that you ever will encounter will be when you're got herded to a special enclosure where you'll see a sudden flash of something shiny and 3 hours later, notice that your dismembered legs and tail is in various part of a moving lorry.
Essential Items:
None. Nothing can help you at your present condition.
Auspicious habit:
Nothing much to be done. Try learning tango and enjoy yourselve while it last.
Compatible mate:
You're an utter wreck. Copulating with a horse will give you the longer legs. This time might help you to escape your routine life by jumping over the cage. Think about it.
Dog
The year for the dog:
This year, you'll be in the same boat as the rabbit. You will see people making faces or whistling from outside your cubicle trying to make fun of you. Do not ignore them. Pretend to be their friends. Take them out for walks. Don't worry about peeing/shitting on their car, it's cute. Just do it. Once you've gain their trust enough, you can literally tie a leash around them and whip them with their car's steering lock.
Essential Items:
Steering lock. Steal one. It'll be useful come the end of the year.
Auspicious habit:
Year of the dog after all, spread some of your wealth around. Pee and shit on your friends. They'll love it!!
Compatible mate:
You lack proper hand and leg coordination. You tend to like standing on your hands and legs. Obtain some versatility by mating with a monkey. You can be one hell of a fascinating doggy, swinging from trees to trees.
Nowadays, it seems as if everyone is able to perform some sort of zodiac interpretation. Therefore, being a very friendly and thoughtful I am, I've decided to join the zodiac craze and spread some helpful tips for everyone by sitting outside my house one starry night and study the stars.
Rooster
The year for rooster:
It'll do you a world of good to pay more attention to your well being as it is link tightly to your survivor this year. It is highly likely you and your whole family will get massacred and thrown into a mass grave if you don't take care of your health. Therefore, mix less with other individual of your family that might have just migrated from a faraway place.
Essential item:
A filtering mask. Wear it 24 hours a day to prevent infection of bird flu.
Auspicious habit:
Whenever you see a black crow, flap your hands and start to sing and dance the tune of Yatta! to encourage more wealth in your life.
Most compatible mate:
Your greatest enemy will become your best mate. By mating with a snake, your children will have the great characteristic of being able to live on land, water, trees, dark attics, etc. This will enable you all to escape the great bird flu purge.
Tiger
The year for the tiger:
My dear friend. It seems that your luck might not be able to hold out for the coming few years. I predict that there'll be great destruction around your housing areas. It'll mostly involve trees and fire. Other than that, take very good care of your genitals as people might just come to your housing area to skin you and grab your balls!!
Essential Item:
Car license. You will need more than your leg to escape these coming holocaust.
Auspicious habit:
Every morning, when you're brushing your teeth, use your biggest kitchen knife to sharpen your teeth. You might need it sooner than you thought.
Most compatible mate:
It's a battle of survivor for you from now on. It will be wise to breed with a dragon. This will give your future generation an ability to spew fire in self defence. Highly useful when you meet your adversary who will be holding a weapon far more superior than your bare hands.
Ox
The year for the Ox:
Due to some unstable stars on a galaxy that is 1.2412 billion light years away from the Milky Way that is influencing the events around the other animals in this zodiac, your luck for this year, will be bad. Yeps. No joke. This year, rooster will suffer a great purge. Therefore, you will become the centre of everyone's attention.... as their one of the two main viable safe food source.
Essential Item:
Diet pills. Consume to prevent yourself from being an attention grabber for this year. Your luck for this year is not good.
Auspicious habit:
Make sure that you wake up at 5 am every morning to shout. Make sure you sound as if you're a rooster. Flap your wings more often. Try to groom your facial/body hair into lookalike feathers. You might just be able to safe yourself.
Compatible mate:
Rat. Your only best alternative. Your mating effort will result in a much more smaller Ox which will enable you to run and hide in small drain holes. Your horns will protect you from cats.
Rabbit
The year for rabbit:
You will be held captive this year in a shopping complex. You'll be stripped of your dignity and will be paraded around to be groped by various people. You will also find that there'll be a lot of people staring at you and mouthing the word "cute" repeatedly from outside your cage. Try perfoming some stunts to applease to tormentor to buy freedom. Hint: They love the sadistic killing between two rabbits.
Essential Item:
Hammer. It'll buy you your freedom in a every entertaining sadistic manner.
Auspicious habit:
Practice jumping high and swinging your hands in a downward smashing like manner. It'll help you greatly.
Compatible mate:
Spreading some love to a goat will give you a much more bigger size and a horn to boot. Essentially useful to prevent groping and will no need to sadistic smash your way to freedom anymore.
Pig
The year for pig:
Planet Mars is still as red as it is the previous 23,938,453 years before. Therefore, your life will be a dead constant. Like every other year before this, your luck for this year is bleak. You'll encounter no change from the routine that you have been going through the past few years. (eat, sleep, shit, eat, sleep, shit) The only exciting thing that you ever will encounter will be when you're got herded to a special enclosure where you'll see a sudden flash of something shiny and 3 hours later, notice that your dismembered legs and tail is in various part of a moving lorry.
Essential Items:
None. Nothing can help you at your present condition.
Auspicious habit:
Nothing much to be done. Try learning tango and enjoy yourselve while it last.
Compatible mate:
You're an utter wreck. Copulating with a horse will give you the longer legs. This time might help you to escape your routine life by jumping over the cage. Think about it.
Dog
The year for the dog:
This year, you'll be in the same boat as the rabbit. You will see people making faces or whistling from outside your cubicle trying to make fun of you. Do not ignore them. Pretend to be their friends. Take them out for walks. Don't worry about peeing/shitting on their car, it's cute. Just do it. Once you've gain their trust enough, you can literally tie a leash around them and whip them with their car's steering lock.
Essential Items:
Steering lock. Steal one. It'll be useful come the end of the year.
Auspicious habit:
Year of the dog after all, spread some of your wealth around. Pee and shit on your friends. They'll love it!!
Compatible mate:
You lack proper hand and leg coordination. You tend to like standing on your hands and legs. Obtain some versatility by mating with a monkey. You can be one hell of a fascinating doggy, swinging from trees to trees.
decreed by ngiam at 9:00 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home