World of Ngiamville (Part 3)
In the last episode:
The World of Ngiamville Part 2
And the laster episode:
The World of Ngiamville Part 1
Now, we've talked about the spices, about the lemon grass, the flies in your everyday tom yam soup. What's missing then, you might ask. Give a guess or two then...
Really? Still can think it out? Allright, another minute then.
Oh heavens, it should have crossed your mind by now...Hell, it's so obvious that you should have exlaim by now...."Where the heck is that big old daddy of the prawn that is suppose to rule that bloody bowl of tom yam?!?!?"
Well, ladies and gentlemen, the main purpose of this final part of this trilogy of World of Ngiamville, is not to talk about prawns but about essentially the main lifeline of Ngiamville. The ones that have been the heart and liver of Ngiamville.
Today we would like to talk about the main profession of Ngiamville. The one and only occupation in Ngiamville which all its children strives for.
SmeanGay.
Yeps. Not any ordinary streaker that you might find running around loose happily at your local Petronas station. A special one. Heck, even the word special is an understatement.
SmeanGay in Ngiamville is a breed of specially trained human in the art of specialised extermination. Yes! They are accomplished in the art of subtle killing or explosive Hollywood matrix like assassination.
Unusually specially talented children are selected at the tender age of 13 to be trained to be a SmeanGay by the age of 20. To select the best possible candidate, a totally ardous selection process is implemented where children at the age of 13 are required to lick the tip of their elbow. Those who show extraordinary ability of licking their elbow 142 times in a row are then accepted to be the SmeanGay apprentice.
The SmeanGay are then thought in the highly mysterious art of killing by being trained in the unordinary skills of fishing. Now, a lot of question have been raised on the relationship between fishing and killing. But it does have a link. A link that is so obvious that everyone noticed it but never ever realised the lethality of it. After all, like what the elders of Ngiamville always likes to say"Always it is the obviousness that kills" (like the bus that you see obviously speeding towards you before you get crushed 5 times over)
Now the link. Attached here is the one and only picture ever taken of the reclusive SmeanGay.
SmeanGay with the sacred blue fish
Obvious now? You should be able to connect all the dots by now. And if you fail to link it, you shall be enlightened by the subsequent explaination.
The fish. Is the sacred weapon of the feared SmeanGay. Yeps, fish is the most feared and only weapon used by SmeanGay for its dirty assassination work. Usually a SmeanGay will approach its target from the side of bushes/trees/drains/cars/any cover that you can think of/ and after identifying its target, it'll jump onto the target with the sacred fish and whack him senseless/to death/dead/according to whichever assasination plan which was ordered.
Assasination plan of SmeanGay consists of 3 different types. 01yee is where the victim is only whacked senseless with the fish and presented to the subscriber for the ultimate honor. 01sam is where the victim is whack senseless and dispose off personally by SmeanGay. 01lok is where the victim is plummel repeatedly with multiple fishes in a machinegun manner to death.
Note that in all plan, sacred fish used in the operation will be presented to the plan subscriber as gift as part of SmeanGay's new policy to bring more added value to the plan.
While the assassination plan is simple, the fishes are not. SmeanGay have a holy ritual in which they have to perform different set of ceremony if they were to catch fishes of different color. It is obvious by now that a fish of blue color is the primary assassination weapon. A red fish entitles a SmeanGay to a 24.5 mile long cross Ngiamville country duck walk. Catching a green fish means that they just have to beat themselves senseless with the said fish. A pink fish means an easier task of eating up a calculator. The yellow fish is most feared as it requires them to serenade a local village girl in a girlish voice with a much modified song with a title of "Gay Is All Around".
Gay Is All Around is a much modified version of the song Love Is All Around. Author will try it's best to obtain the lyrics from the SmeanGays.
Much speculations have been made on the use of the mortar board that is word by the SmeanGay. But the authorities of Ngiamville can confirm that SmeanGay is a group of highly hygienic people which does not crap just about anywhere while operating in the jungle regions asinfection of germs might affect the fish plummelling performace of a SmeanGay. The mortar board functions as a auxiliary toilet bowl to prevent germs from jumping into the butt from the forest floor during crapping session.
As you might have observed by now, being a SmeanGay is never a gay business. It is indeed a tough and uncompromising SmeanGay world out there. But the harsh profession is never a drawback for aspiring 13 year olds of Ngiamville. Everyday, thousand of 13 year olds still like their elbows to enlist themselve into the elite rank of SmeanGay.
This is the final part of the trilogy of the World of Ngiamville. Any complaints regarding important historical items of Ngiamville should be channel to the Ngiamville Bureau of Complaints (NBC). All complaints of unhappiness/inaccuracy/of being left out will be given 5 second of consideration before being deleted. Thank you.
And the laster episode:
Now, we've talked about the spices, about the lemon grass, the flies in your everyday tom yam soup. What's missing then, you might ask. Give a guess or two then...
Really? Still can think it out? Allright, another minute then.
Oh heavens, it should have crossed your mind by now...Hell, it's so obvious that you should have exlaim by now...."Where the heck is that big old daddy of the prawn that is suppose to rule that bloody bowl of tom yam?!?!?"
Well, ladies and gentlemen, the main purpose of this final part of this trilogy of World of Ngiamville, is not to talk about prawns but about essentially the main lifeline of Ngiamville. The ones that have been the heart and liver of Ngiamville.
Today we would like to talk about the main profession of Ngiamville. The one and only occupation in Ngiamville which all its children strives for.
SmeanGay.
Yeps. Not any ordinary streaker that you might find running around loose happily at your local Petronas station. A special one. Heck, even the word special is an understatement.
SmeanGay in Ngiamville is a breed of specially trained human in the art of specialised extermination. Yes! They are accomplished in the art of subtle killing or explosive Hollywood matrix like assassination.
Unusually specially talented children are selected at the tender age of 13 to be trained to be a SmeanGay by the age of 20. To select the best possible candidate, a totally ardous selection process is implemented where children at the age of 13 are required to lick the tip of their elbow. Those who show extraordinary ability of licking their elbow 142 times in a row are then accepted to be the SmeanGay apprentice.
The SmeanGay are then thought in the highly mysterious art of killing by being trained in the unordinary skills of fishing. Now, a lot of question have been raised on the relationship between fishing and killing. But it does have a link. A link that is so obvious that everyone noticed it but never ever realised the lethality of it. After all, like what the elders of Ngiamville always likes to say"Always it is the obviousness that kills" (like the bus that you see obviously speeding towards you before you get crushed 5 times over)
Now the link. Attached here is the one and only picture ever taken of the reclusive SmeanGay.
SmeanGay with the sacred blue fish
Obvious now? You should be able to connect all the dots by now. And if you fail to link it, you shall be enlightened by the subsequent explaination.
The fish. Is the sacred weapon of the feared SmeanGay. Yeps, fish is the most feared and only weapon used by SmeanGay for its dirty assassination work. Usually a SmeanGay will approach its target from the side of bushes/trees/drains/cars/any cover that you can think of/ and after identifying its target, it'll jump onto the target with the sacred fish and whack him senseless/to death/dead/according to whichever assasination plan which was ordered.
Assasination plan of SmeanGay consists of 3 different types. 01yee is where the victim is only whacked senseless with the fish and presented to the subscriber for the ultimate honor. 01sam is where the victim is whack senseless and dispose off personally by SmeanGay. 01lok is where the victim is plummel repeatedly with multiple fishes in a machinegun manner to death.
Note that in all plan, sacred fish used in the operation will be presented to the plan subscriber as gift as part of SmeanGay's new policy to bring more added value to the plan.
While the assassination plan is simple, the fishes are not. SmeanGay have a holy ritual in which they have to perform different set of ceremony if they were to catch fishes of different color. It is obvious by now that a fish of blue color is the primary assassination weapon. A red fish entitles a SmeanGay to a 24.5 mile long cross Ngiamville country duck walk. Catching a green fish means that they just have to beat themselves senseless with the said fish. A pink fish means an easier task of eating up a calculator. The yellow fish is most feared as it requires them to serenade a local village girl in a girlish voice with a much modified song with a title of "Gay Is All Around".
Gay Is All Around is a much modified version of the song Love Is All Around. Author will try it's best to obtain the lyrics from the SmeanGays.
Much speculations have been made on the use of the mortar board that is word by the SmeanGay. But the authorities of Ngiamville can confirm that SmeanGay is a group of highly hygienic people which does not crap just about anywhere while operating in the jungle regions asinfection of germs might affect the fish plummelling performace of a SmeanGay. The mortar board functions as a auxiliary toilet bowl to prevent germs from jumping into the butt from the forest floor during crapping session.
As you might have observed by now, being a SmeanGay is never a gay business. It is indeed a tough and uncompromising SmeanGay world out there. But the harsh profession is never a drawback for aspiring 13 year olds of Ngiamville. Everyday, thousand of 13 year olds still like their elbows to enlist themselve into the elite rank of SmeanGay.
This is the final part of the trilogy of the World of Ngiamville. Any complaints regarding important historical items of Ngiamville should be channel to the Ngiamville Bureau of Complaints (NBC). All complaints of unhappiness/inaccuracy/of being left out will be given 5 second of consideration before being deleted. Thank you.
decreed by ngiam at 2:46 AM
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