Solved Case

There's this phenomenon that constantly baffles us even until we left our secondary school.

There was this period where our toilet cubicles always seems to have someone who always seems to miss their target and have their fertile droppings platered all over the non-toiletbowl area. Then one day, over a conversation, we muses over it until finally it dawned to us what indeed actually happened.


Attached below, is the graphical description of what actually really happened.




(p.s.: i know i've been onto using paint lately, but it is for the betterment of mankind k?)


Just in case, there's still someone who can't figure out the graphical illustration(most likely these people needa read porn instead of watch porn to gratify themselvees):

1. & 2. A brief context of how the school toilet cubicle would have look like.
3. A customer of the cubicle.
3.a. Customer of cubicle discovered that........................ the lock is damaged(all cubicle the same)
3.b. Customer managed to achieve nirvana almost the very same moment the holy fertile droppings starts to annouce their presence.
4. Customer holds onto door. Hand/Butt hole not long enough.
4a. Missed bullseye.

There you go. One mystery solved.

One afternoon of stupidity

One afternoon, I was stuck in a traffic jam leading to a roundabout. For 30 minutes. After that long of a wait, I decided to do my customary stunt to escape the jam(hint: something not so legal).

I began to walk to work after parking my car. And at the same time, I was curious. What could have happened at that roundabout?!? Should be some kickass accident. I was so sure about it.

Imagine my dismay when I approached the roundabout and had a good look around it, only to discover that there is no jam, no Japanese Prime Minister dancing a Yatta or a troupe of Miss Malaysia during naked squat on the roundabout.

It was as illustrated at the picture below.

It was what people would term as pure stupidity. Exit was smooth flowing. The thing that was stopping anything from moving was the collective stupidity of everyone who decided at the same time to be inconsiderate and don't give any space to anyone to go their way. Thus, traffic stops and builds up 58km long.

I told you all along that I was living in a world of idiots.

Idiot

The idiot. At the start.


2 weeks later. Non the wiser. Still an idiot. The same idiot set off for a journey that was to prove that the idiot after all, is the idiotest.

It's a wonder that it is nearly one year since that trip.

It's an even more amazing wonder that the idiot, still is. An idiot.

A CNY invitation letter to friends.

Dear friends,

It is to your great misfortune that Emperor Ngiam won't be that desperate anymore for your companionship for the next few weekends. This is mostly due to the fact that Emperor Ngiam will be indulging himself in an activity that will get his ass molested repeatedly by unidentified strangers during the said weekends.

Please do not be alarm as this does not mean that Emperor Ngiam will be totally isolating himself from ya all as he is still open to any type of engagement as long as it involves:

1. spearing a rhino
2. house decorating with feathers from crane/penguin
3. exterminating road roaches (gAh beng)
4. any combination of above.

So if you are miserable and unappreciated during the CNY and would like to do something uplifting, please do not hesitate to call Emperor Ngiam to enlist yourselve for an Emperor Ngiam appreciation program, where comforting confidence inducing pats will be administered to arouse a feeling of being uplifted.

I can't wait to be an integral part of your exhilarating experience during CNY.

Yours truly (superfriend),

Emperor Ngiam

Ngiam's Advance Dictionary

maggot in a bin says:
whats a motorcade?

Ngiam. I just.... says:
motorcade = a bunch of official looking cars carrying supposely VIP to their destination to sign agreements which in which 30% of its value will be transferred into their secret Swiss bank account

No need to thank me. I'm glad to be that one strobe that is bringing enlightenment to your life.

Train and Cars

I'm going to talk in riddles again. Understand it in your own way. The gist is somewhere in there, search it out yourselve.

There are many ways of reaching a certain destination. By air, train, car, walking etc. That goes for how we form our opinions on certain subjects.

We can be like a train. Putra-LRT for example. In order to reach Asia Jaya from Taman Paramount, there is only one way that leads to it. And from Asia Jaya onwards, the track will only leads to one destination, which is Taman Jaya.

We can also be like a car. Take the very same Asia Jaya as the focal point. Before reaching Asia Jaya, we could have came from Shah Alam, Tasik Bera or Pasir Mas. We have a choice of different routes to get to Asia Jaya. And from Asia Jaya onwards, we can choose to find our way to Ipoh, Kuantan or even Kangar.

I met a train recently. And I was disappointed. No. Not of the train. But of myself.

I should have gave in to my instinct to crush the train at that very moment. But NO, I choose the most idiotic reply ever. I did a Gandhi onto myself and talk like a peace loving dove with the care to not to indirectly point out that the train friend of mine have a brain with a filling of a McD's pineapple pie.

Damn. I need more evil.

My New Year Resolution

What's all these hype over new years resolution?
What's these need for multiple resolution?

Me? I go the simple way. Just one resolution that will solve the rest of my problem.

1. Buy lottery to strike RM3 million jackpot for year 2006.

Thank you.