Obituary

I was showering happily when I heard the news. Suddenly the whole world around me seems much more gloomier. That urge to happily dig my nose shit suddenly evaporate. And I realise how significant this news is to my life. How everything will never be the same again. To further amplify the magnitude of the situation, I'll quote an oldie song that I used to listen:

"Why does the bird keep on singing?
When the sun doesn't shine."










Tomorrow, one of Malaysia's most endeared citizen will depart the country.

A person so rugged that it'll take more than a bulldozer to crush him literally. The one and the only known person in this world to have obtained Emperor Ngiam's sacred leg hair and lick it (and frame it beside his convocation picture... don't think I don't know). Yet, he's a romancer that when he lick his finger and comb his hair (on his head), all girls will fall head over heels for him. Yupz, he's almost the complete person. The perfect one.

And he's flying off to greener pasture. To Hong Kong, for more adventure. For even more girls. And even even more fling. Imagine yourselve a cow, and all over you, surrounding you, tasty green grass for your consumption. That is what Hong Kong will be like for him.

My dear friend. I hope that you'll be surrounded by girls in Hong Kong and loving it. Or else, I truly hope that you rest in peace. Amen

Now everyone, let's alltogether share a moment of silence for the departed.

R.I.P.
Malaysian Citizen
1981 - Oct 2005

I've Identify the Position!!!

At 6.04pm yesterday, I received a report of a missing person. And since I was endowed with the power of being able to detect missing person by dream, I decided to sleep immediately on my dinner table with the biscuit half eaten in my mouth.

But being a superb human being I am, with my super power dream processor, I was able to identify to position of the missing person to a degree of plus minus 1 metre.

The position of the missing red slippery girl is right underneath the table of its owner. Literally. With a variable of 1 metre as mentioned. Check it. And you shall believe in the dream power of Emperor Ngiam.

WJA SS92

I always have this hate for drivers with this "Namo Amitabha" sticker at the back of their car. It's as if that with the sticker stuck on their car, it gives them drive in a dangerous manner on the road as it is suppose to offer em some kind of invisibility protection. Yeah, I've blogged this before. Somewhere in my archive. And no, I'm too lazy to link it. Search it out yourselve.

True to the spirit of cars with "Namo Amitabha" stickers, right before my very eyes, the owner of a Waja with such sticker decided to show that his way of life according to a certain faith is to blatantly litter the road with tissues (not one piece, a few. and no, i don't know why he threw em out) and then continues talking nonchalantly to his children in his car.

Littering. In from of your children. Well, yeah a perfect parenting example. Teach your children to litter everywhere eh? Well, for your sake, I hope that your children really take up this littering habit from you. One of these days, they'll pop some estacy into their mouth and throw the accompanying plastic onto the roadside besides Ming Tien food court. And you, yes you the owner of the car mentioned!! stepping off your wonderful silvery Waja which you have just double parked at the area, will step onto that slippery plastic bag. And you will fortunately fall onto the curb hitting the part where a VCD ah beng managed to achieved self gratification the previous night. With that well aimed fall, you shall contract syphilis. After that you shall live happily ever after for 25 years before you die and wonderful natural death.

After that you shall be reborn as a tortoise. And on your 2 tortoise year, you are hauled off from sungai penchala and made into the tasty tortoise soup sold somewhere in SS2.

And yes, Namo Amitabha to you too.





Note: Please read this entry properly. No insults are meant to any religion here. Only a rant onto some imbecile who thought that he's going to achieve some kind of pure living condition or something. And yeah, if you ever see the mentioned car, spare a thought for the general public, ram your vehicle (preferbly something huge) onto this car and spare everyone the misery.

Pendrives

Guess what were we talking about tonight?

"it's like trying to connect a pendrive with another pendrive."

Seasonal Reminders

I was to start my weekend with my theurapatic excursion. Fish collection.

I was still in bed when I received the news. Part of me was already lashing out onto that invisible enemy. How could this be? I got it all planned out carefully. All will be naught. But deep inside I knew what was the right thing to be done. I had to cancel whatever plans that I had made for the weekend. And also tentatively, till the next weekend.

Going to such a place on such days serves a really telling reminder. So strong even at such an old age. One mishape. And it totally wreck you to the point that you have troublet recognizing peoples.

Seeing so much suffering. Groans. Pains. Writhing so much in pain unconciously that you had to be bound for your own good. Concious but unable to do a thing or to even speak, only able to stare. Only God knows what you'll feel when you go through these.

It brings your mind to the thought of death. old-age. pain. frailness. That maybe living that long is not such a good thing after all. That a shorter life span might be a blessing in disguise that we'll never live to fully appreciate it.

I guess there's reason for all these. In a place where life and death coexist. On the day where it was to be a celebration. When one lets it's guard down. On thoughts and wants. A reminder. Again. To play it to the full. To live, cherish and appreciate.

Ngiamville Glorifies the UNO

Once upon a time, deep in the jungles of Ngiamville, a group of remarkable scientists were gathered in the deep dungeons of its' capital. An experiment of such great significance that it'll probably ride the world of all its evil. You know, the normal stuffs that leaders of all the countries are always ranting about? famine, global warming, overpaid football players, etc.

It was a project on genetics. Meant to produce the world's most ultimate killing machine. Various cold blooded murderer at that time was breed and cross-breed many times to yield a person with the most evil genetic ever. It was a project that will take centuries and thousands of generation to succeed. And finally, the project reached its' pinacle. The ultimate. The one that will be the evil of all evilness. The UNO of all.

And finally when it was old enough, UNO was sent to an organisation to practice its' super evil skill. It was during one of those days that was deemed special to someone, that it call up for duty. It was a simple kidnapping mission. Dunkin to film the move(to extort money?).Doraemon would drive the heist car. Brain was to draw female victim(to be named as Yellow to protect the innocent's identity) out. Lantern will grab the victim from the back. Pinky will make victim fall. UNO is to help Pinky grab victim's leg. Nothing have ever been so well planned. Easy. A B C.

It was a smooth sailing mission initially. Initiate blackout. Anore who was with Yellow comes out to investigate. Calls out for help. Victim comes out. Pinky squatting behind. Grab leg. Victim fall. Lantern handle victims top part. What transpire after this, will become part that will legendize the UNO.

With Handsome having a hard time grappling the victim's leg, the UNO coming out from the corner immediately get down to his task and starts to grab..... Handsome's leg. For a full 30 seconds, Handsome and the UNO struggle until the UNO finally realised that :

1. the leg was hairy. Much more hair than a female leg is suppose to have.
2. the leg was much more bigger. Bigger than the legs that he usually spied on Yellow.
3. the leg was kicking real hard. Unlike the little small mousy like kick that he expected to receive.

It was then that it dawn onto the UNO that the legs that he have been having a good time with initially, belongs to a:

1. guy

And proceed to subdue Yellow's leg. But the damage's been done. The scientist from Ngiamville found out about this huge genetic glitch inside the UNO(it seems like the UNO is unable to discern between a guy and a girl's leg). It was then promptly recalled back to its base where it was then sterillised and set loose into the jungle(as a gesture of mercy). The devious genetic project was then declared a failure and was shutdown. Never to be heard of anymore.



Fulfilling would be demand for the picture of the UNO. Previous filepic of the UNO, below:








Look closely at the photo. Notice how the UNO is greatly different than the rest of the people taking photo? Look closely at his eyeballs, you'll notice that while everyone is staring happily at the camera, the UNO stares happily away from the camera.




Note: Names of various party have been changed to protect their identity and to prevent other various non-related peoples from mobbing them for details regarding the UNO. The author would like to emphasize that the people shown in photo together with the UNO have no knowledge of what ever double life that the UNO might lead. They are to be treated as just innocent bystanders.

50th Post (Belated) Annivesary Award!!!!(Editted Again)

In order to celebrate my blog's belated 50 post day,(it's around 70 now), I would like to present awards to celebrities who have done a great deal of kindness to my life and have further enliven it with their wonderful soul. You, my friend, is truly someone that should be made as an example to all, as you set the benchmark way above everyone else. You are truly, a friend beyond needs.




Hereby, Emperor Ngiam would like to present the award of the world's most loathed scum to....


Please note that part of the picture have been manipulated in order to protect the innocence of the said scum.




























Yeps, you CiCaK (name have been changed, again to protect the identity of the said person) have the honour of being the first receiptant of Emperor Ngiam's first outgoing award. Being the first receiptant means that you are sitting number one at the throne of the scrounge in the world of Emperor Ngiam. And this is truly a feat to be behold. May the future scum of the universe desecrate your grave in the search to be the top scrounge of the universe.

Curious as a horny cat, you may ask... What have CiCaK done wrong? How can such person with a squint looking queer eye be such a threat to the well being of everyone's well being? And of all the person, how can such thin looking person be the winner of this category? Surely, an evil scum looking scrounge of the universe would look more handsome? Devious? Or the very least macho?

Ohhhh...... Macho is a word that is synonymous with the name ******. This person spend so much time pretending to be macho trying to get a girlfriend that he managed to accumulate a world record amount of phone bill expenses for a person who failed in a bid to get a girlfriend. Yeps, hundreds of ringgit. For pretending Arnold Somethinghardtospell. At the time when he owes his housemate cash ranging from hundreds to thousands(CSH). Yupz, for someone who goes around asking for help to pay for his house rental, water bills, electricity etc. he have the audacity to go onto a totally useless shit up project called FAILURE.

And then he did a thing more bolder that if I were to ever meet him, I'll pin a medal of valor onto his chest. Literally. He bolted. Yepz. From the house. And hid somewhere in his homeland called *******. And left us with the responsibility of paying up for his goddamn freaking FAILURE. Zoom. Just like that. Only a 15 minutes phone call initially to inform us that he'll never come back. And after that, no trace at all. It's as if he's playing the role of Scully in X-files where she disappeared for a few episode and came back pregnant.

Damn you little piece of useless shit. There's nothing more satisfying in the future than to see you getting pregnant with a bastard child!!!!!

Btw, there's a background to this sudden award. I was trawling my hi5.com list when I clicked onto "Lee" (June) and saw the scum's face staring back at mine(The question of why CiCaK is in June's friend's list will forever remain unanswerable). And suddenly it's all coming back to me. The con. The haunted look. The scrounge. And if you would like to have a look at his profile closely...at his journal, you would notice that he's running some kind of dodgy cash making parachute. (trying to rip off more ppl?)(for those without Hi5, just sign up for the sake of reading his journal)

CiCaK

Yeps. For a person professing to be in financial problem, he does have the gall to go around promoting his kaya dream. Well, I not only hope for that you get pregnant with a bastard child, I hope you get impregnant by a cow.

That's all for the award. I hope you're satisfy with this award.









On another matter. To be on a serious note. Every stick that goes to CiCaK's way for the way he handle his friends, (eloping from home without paying for his FAILURE phone bill and owing thousands in house rental) is a stick that is deserved to be shoved straight into his ass. CiCaK, if you are reading this and you feel that you're never in the wrong, try asking the rest of the people here. You could have came out in an honorable way, by the very least giving every party a call to let them know that this matter is always in your mind and you don't mean to elope with the money. But you didn't do it. Therefore you failed as our friend and even as a person with conscience.

Edit: As of now(24 hours later), the offending scumbag CiCaK is still a great friend of "Lee" in the hi5.com list.

Edit 2: In order to enable an easy search of CK Chen by anyone in the future, I've decided to insert important keywords here:

CK Chen
Chen CK
Chee Kui
Chen Chee Kui
I, Chen Chee Kui, is very handsome and macho
Duh Kui
Water tortoise CK
Ck Chen and his RM300 phone bills
Ck Chen and Sheng Horng
Ck Chen and Sheng Horng gets horny

Well there, i hope that whoever who searched using these few words, find whatever they are searching for, here.

I thought

I thought that cycling halfway across Malaysia can make any wimp into a man. Boy, am I wrong. Checking stock in a warehouse using a safety shoe, it seems, strains your leg'ss muscle faster than your can shout "Hail Ngiam".

Noticed?

Tenderly she stirred it.
Afraid of it being overdone.
She move that knob.
Just a little.
To the left.
Then to the right.
Must be right.

Just salty enough for him.
Not that hard for her.
Warm enough not to burn their tongue.

When they forget.
She packed. Not just enough. But more.
All her love. Every inch of her heart.
In there.
That plastic container.

Will it be enough she wondered?
And she put in an extra piece of meat. Just in case.

And yes, little lil loves green vege.
Another piece of vege.
Make sure. Something everyone likes.
Cause it is how she have always been.
There.

Loaded.Packed. And sent.


Alone it sat.



1 night.




2 night.




3 night.




Until someone notice that bland dull looking fried mee by the corner.

And throw it away.

I AM, AFTER ALL, YOUR EMPEROR

2006 : Pedestrian Act 1a. Emperor Ngiam legalized the running over of mindless pedestrian providing that vehicle is traveling at 30km/h on a proper road and predestrian is walking/slugging nonchalantly in the middle of the road.

2007 : Loopholes in the act where drivers driving at a speed of more than 30km/h were found running over pedestrian in an indiscrimative way. Nationwide protest with nearly 100,000 citizens at the gates of the palace.

End of 2007 : Castration of protesters. No further protest.

2009 : Camera Act. It was made compulsory for all cars to install live camera at the front to prevent the abuse of Pedestrian Act 1a.

2011 : Enactment of Pedestrian Act 1c. Drivers are allowed to run over mindless pedestrian 3 times over if they are found to be still alive after initial collision.

2020 : Numbers of citizens in Ngiamville was found to be decreasing.

2030 : Number of citizens in Ngiamville stabilized and starts to increased.

2050 : Average IQ of Ngiamville citizens was found to be unbelieveably higher than the norm.

2051 : Research done by world reknown scientist attributed the Pedestrian Act as the cause of the high average IQ phenomenon .

2052 : Emperor Ngiam was hailed and worshipped as GOD for his far reaching vision for forever eradicating the scrounge of the gene pool called dumb.

Apprehension

Apprehensive?

I guess it's a normal thing that everyone feels moments before they try something new right? A little of this unsure feeling of whether everything will be allright or whether it'll bomb right out in the front of your face. Especially with the laspe along the way, it merits such attention.

Just like the day before I cycled Jeli to Grik.

Just like the day before my flight to Omsk.

Just like the day before I pop the question.

Just like the day before I got myself admitted into the university.

Just like the day before my first performance.


I guess everything will be allright when it's the day after, right?

Malaysia Cup: Selangor WON!!!

I'm not sure, but it seems that I derived great pleasure whenever I see a scene of possible destruction.

A great example was when I was watching the Malaysia Cup. At the 70th minute, when there's a sudden influx of action where the players of both team nearly came to a brawl, I was laughing with glee.

Nearly the end when the camera was showing a great swath of bottles on the track(that was thrown onto it beforehand), I actually laughed my heart out.

Was it me? Or was it the Malaysia Cup?!?

Battle

It seems like a current "in" thing to be all mushy with my peers. Therefore I've decided to join in the competition with my own song.

Goddamnit! It's not easy listening to the same ol chinese song repeatedly. But I've got it done at last. I'm feeling generous today, anyone able to identify the chinese song which I based this lyric on will get a free Starbuck coffee from me. Knowing me, how high do you think your chances are?!?



Title : Tiada Nama, Ku Malas Nak Fikir

Menjelang subuh,

Ku masih terpesona olehnya,

Namun apa yang masih terlintas,

Ku sayu.

Gerimis petang,

Wajahmu ku kan tetap menatap,

Bagaikan cahaya,

Yang menghilangkan gelapku,

Apa yang termungkinkan,

Namun hanyalah pasti tidak,

Ohh, apakah,

Jiwaku sayu.

Biarkan semuanya,

Oh, derita di hati ini,

Bila kufikirkanmu,

Hatiku pilu.

Menjelang Senja,

Ku masih termenungkan wajahmu,

Ku ingin, ku masih menunggu, dengan harapan.

Erti tersirat.

Aku pendam, aku menggenggamkan,

Biarlah keabadiannya dalam jiwaku.

Apa yang termungkinkan,

Namun hanyalah pasti tidak,

Ohh, apakah,

Jiwaku sayu.

Biarkan semuanya,

Oh, derita di hati ini,

Bila kufikirkanmu,

Hatiku pilu.